Reflecting on Thursday, 1/21

I feel despondent. Sure doesn't help that I haven't slept in months. Although I had that 10 hours (not straight thru) sleep sunday night when my doc. gave me 3 pills of a med he thought could help me get caught up without killing me like the one i took on saturday.

He said it was an accident that he gave me 3. He called in a refill. I went to pick it up. I couldn't. It wasn't covered by my insurance. I left it there. Clerk said she'd keep it til 1/28. In the meantime I can look forward to absolutely sleep dep. as I usually don't fall asleep at all. I get into that in between state where I have the nightmares but I don't completely fall asleep.

Just received a message on my machine from bge. I'm in imminent danger of them shutting off my utilities. As I imagine no heat, no lights, no radio, and no phone (because verizon is shutting me off again on Monday) it is more then I can stand.

I have an appt. at the welfare office and I'm concerned I'll fall asleep at the wheel. (Never have before) My vision is blurry But I didn't fall asleep. I arrive 1/2 hour early. Sit in the car for 10 then walk over to the office.

The receptionists never seem to organized. I asked her if I should sign in. She said no, who are you here to see? Karen I said. she said, "I'll alert Karen right now that you are here"

It's 15 min. past my appt. time and I"m very worried. I go back to desk. Male recep. says he'll call her. Turns out she was never alerted of my presence. Anyway Karen is very efficient, very compassionate. I've never seen that combination before. She came up with $370 for my bge bill. This will prevent turn off.

When you're in these offices there is so much interesting stuff happening in the waiting room. For one thing there is a man who is with 2 preschoolers that are both in strollers. I never would have guessed in a million years that these children are brothers. These poor kids are bored and lonely and the father is doing nothing but texting on his cell phone the entire 1/2 hour. But the worst part? He has the strollers back to back so the children can't see each other.

One child picks up plastic trash. I"m very concerned he will swallow it. I alert dad. Dad says "Oh, I trust him. I'm sure he won't put it in his mouth!"

There is a worker who appears to be the family's caseworker. She comes in and out of the office. She is a good role model and tries to model good parenting skills for the father. Of course a good modeler typically is so suave that the parent isn't even aware that the caseworker is teaching. I would get some wonderful opportunities later today to do just this.

Karen referred me to Shepard's Staff. She's pretty certain they will pay for my rx's. Many people consider that we are receiving handouts. My perception is that every hour of my time is worth at least 10 dollars. Like work. going to these offices or making calls or running around. it's work.

So, I arrive at Shephard's Staff. They have an extremely impressive array of things they do and an impressive website. But being there is a chaotic mess. S.S. is very crowded and I'm in my element (as a social worker that is) I wait quite a while for a woman to move so i can sit in the chair she's blocking.

She realizes I'm there and says: "Why didn't you just say "MOVE!"

ME-Because we're already under so much stress and I think we should try to be extra patient and nice to each other.........................

Amen to that. A couple of people, including her, think it's a great idea.

What's next about the culture of the waiting room here at s.s. as opposed to the wait rooms in baltimore social service organizations, is that everybody is talking to one another and being nice to each other despite the oppressive conditions and the way we are treated.

I find out that the man next to me (who is obviously drunk) has a broken toe, a broken hand and he and his family have a 2.5 hour walk to get to the homeless shelter. I tell him I"ll take them all. He says yes, then later changes his mind. He's drunk and not thinking clearly-and i'm not going to insist if he says no.

A 4.5 year old girl is fishing thru the free clothing bin. Mom doesn't notice her. She finds a nice hat and gloves.

me-"That's a beautiful hat, do you want it?"

girl-(not much of a smiler) yes

me-"Why don't you try it on?"

girl tries it on.

me-"It looks beautiful. Let's ask mommy if you can have those things.

mom-yes, she can

me-"Can you find a safe place to put those things so you don't lose them?"

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(I found out that girl is homeless)

Another girl has found a flyer and she is drawing right on top of it.

me-"You need some paper to draw on, don't you?"

her-"Yes"

I go to the desk and ask for a sheet of paper. The recep. says "I'll go in the back and see if we have any?!" (could this be more insane)

She's gone for 10 minutes at least. Never offers me any paper. A man finds a postcard for the girl to draw on.

I tear a sheet out of my notebook.

me-"I've got paper here, but it's got lines. So It'll be really helpful if you know some letters or words!"

girl smiles-I do! I know "cat" and I know my name!

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Clerk calls me back, or does she?

Ms. Snyder I just need to check and see if you have the right paper. (Doesn't sound to me like she's calling me back to a room, so I leave my backpack and coat in the wait room. That's what's nice about Westminster. You can leave your bag and no one will steal it)

So, the lady does take me back to a room. They are all very punitive in tone. "This referal paper you brought isn't going to do me any good. I can't pay for a prescription in Hampstead. I can onlly pay for an rx. in WEstminster. Have you tried agency 2?"

I feel very overwhelmed when I'm immediately asked what else I've done.

I replied: "No, I've tried you"

So, after telling me she CAN'T help me-she says what we need to do is transfer your rx. to another pharmacy. I'm very reticent about doing this and wonder if it's worth the headache. I won't even know how to get to the other pharmacy.

She says "We just called your pharmacy and they no longer have your rx's."

I'm very upset. "But they said they would keep them until 1/28!"

I call myself. I say "I was just told you don't have my rx.'s anymore" The rx clerk said "who told you that?" "we have them"

I told this to the shephard staff clerk and she was dumbfounded. I had to make a bunch of calls and then I had 3 wait periods in the wait. room.

this time in the wait room, a mother refers me to a place where I can get a free bed. There are many homeless families in the wait room with small children.

Called my pharmacy againn and said "I want to make it clear that I am not switching my business to another pharmacy" (this is alot of stress cuz I fear they will misunderstand)

I got to the pharmacy, remarkably without getting lost, and got my rx.'s for free.

Being in that wait. room and being able to use my social work skills, really makes me miss working, and mourn the fact that I've got all these skills that are going to waste...........................