"Birthmother sends letter"

Dear Blog Audience,

 I received yet another "joyous and uplifting" letter today, just like every letter i've received since 1989 when mother and I met for the first time.

Below are  the excerpts.  I do not plan to write back or keep in contact at all.  I initiated the last face to face contact with her in 6/05, but since that time she showed no interest in seeing me again face to face.

Dear E,

It is urgent that you check yourself into a mental hospital.  Ironically you already have a degree in social work but you don't even know how to apply it to your life.

I am not trying to be mean, but it is obvious that THIS IS THE LIFE YOU HAVE CHOSEN FOR YOURSELF!    This allows you to escape the rigors of the work world.    You must get help with the DEMONS IN YOUR HEAD that  are plagueing you.  After  you get treatment and medication you need to surround yourself with people.  Volunteer or go to a group where others have the same struggles as you do.

My life has been more then difficult.  I spent it slaving, catering and pleasing others, all the while suffering from poor health.  It is obvious that my personality will never suit you, no matter what i say or do.  You suggested I see a therapist.  THERAPISTS ARE MORONS who listen to your problems for their entertainment.

I have had contact with them in the past when i was on massive doses of steroids to treat my double pneumonia.  The steroids plunged me into severe depression , which i got out of all by myself. 

I am sick of trying to please others.

I know you don't want to hear this however i hope it will help  you understand.  It seems that everyone you have mentioned in the past has flaws.  Too controlling, too condescending, too self centered, etc.  I promise to never write about your father after this letter ......however he finds fault and flaws in everyone but himself.  He analyzes and criticizes everything that i have ever said or done.

You obviously have inherited many of his traits. 

I try to find the good in people rather then their flaws, and we all have them.  Y do you think your father is alone?  He can't connect with people other then the few weird friends he may have.  I want nothing to do with him.

It saddens me that u have not been able to fight your demons, as u are intelligent enough to get help.

I'm clueless how you fell homeless again.  But, since u don't want to write or call due to me not conforming 2 your standards, i will never know.  You even broke up with your ex,  u could have had a good life.

Get help for ur health issues.  Certainly there must be places that the "disadvantaged" can go 2 get help.

Due 2 intense steroid doses 2 control my respiratory ailments, my immune system is greatly compromised.  I have been homebound for over 2 years.  I can't get near sick people.

I was rushed by ambo to the hospital.  The morons could not figure out what was wrong with me.  My heart rate and b.p. went to the moon.  I told them it was related to the bronchitis that i was suffering, however they did not listen 2 me and i was released the next day.  I have been suffering ever since.  I can't get better.

I am at the end of my journey and it has been quite difficult my entire life.  Hard physical labor, illness, heartache, used and abused, never appreciated.

"God helps those who help themselves"

Love,

Mother