Thursday, January 31, 2013

"Then, the return to mountain town/soup kitchen"

I have the driver drop me at the soup kitchen.  A man is seated across from me who is covered with muddy clothes.  His hands are muddy, filthy and covered with blood from a fresh wound!

I asked him what happened?  He said he got injured at work.  His eyes were red and watery and he looked drunk.

I said, and you can't wash your hands and your wound?!

He responded:  "It's more manly to leave it like it is, dirty"

I said "Oh yeah?  That's disgusting"

I got up and moved away to another table, so i could eat dinner with becoming nauceous.

"At the Pain Mgmt. Clinic"

So, it would be completely foolish for me to get my hopes up about anything, so i try not to and that is probably a good thing.

The waiting room was extremely small and as oppressive as the public buses.  We were given a crowded bench to sit on which ironically increases your pain if you are prone to that.  There is a woman in her 40's who is wailing in pain, there is a creepy looking 20 something dressed goth who looks very angry and is playing these super loud video games.  At one point he calls his father an asshole, after suggesting to his father to "give me a call on my cell when they call my name, i'll be a few blocks away at the game store!"

The boy said to me "I hope you plan on throwing away your water cup, if you don't it will drive me crazy!"

(his aura was so creepy i told him i will ABSOLUTELY throw my cup away) He complained to his father that the wall is moving and crushing him.

The recep. told me that the reason there are no upholstered chairs is because the patients all urinate all over them........


You would think, in theory at least, that physicians would LOVE patients like myself who have kept a detailed health log for 20 years!

Instead, the dr. asked me 3x who diagnosed me with fibromyalgia.  As i did i quick synopsis of my hx., telling her that initially when fm was not much known, i dx myself with chronic fatigue syndrome.  She seemed disinterested.

I told her that i was at a clinic in 97 for something else, when a temp. intern dx me with fm.  When she asked me 2 more times who diagnosed me, I said "I just told you!"

She said: "I don't think you and i are going to get along, so I'll walk you to the xit door!"

In grand dramatic fashion, I stopped at the recept. desk, and told the recep:  "She is dismissing me because she doesn't like me"

(I enjoyed getting the last word then I promptly shut the bldg. door before the doctor could get in the last word!"

The Andrews Sisters - Rum and Coca Cola

I'm a sucker for gorgeous harmonies! rip patty

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

"One of those lives/Mountain Town Taxi"

You know how much i hate small talk, but sometimes when strangers tell me that "It's been one of those days"  I reply:  "For me, it's been one of those LIVES!"

After nearly a 5 year wait I got into the pain mgmt. clinic.  You probably recall that they kept calling me to tell me they lost my paperwork. So basically I'd get a call one day telling me they lost it, then the next day another administrator would call and say "Where did you get that idea, no we didn't.

So I'm scheduled to go in 2 weeks ago and they cancelled because the doc got sic.

One thing that keeps me driven to keep documenting my life is because I know that my wealthy acquaintances, friends and family will NEVER EVER have to go through even one morning of the conditions I've been living with since 1/94.

I get this call from the cab company (who apparently gets paid by medicaid) asking me if I still need them to take me to my appointment 90 miles away.  I said yes.  (I was given the impression a van full of patients was coming to get me)

I worried when I found out that "Swerving" cab company was being sent.  I recently reported them because they were driving on the sidewalk!

So, the guy comes and I'm worried almost immediately.  I said hello and he essentially grunted a response!

He said to me, "do you know where we are going?"

I replied:  "Well of course I do, you mean you weren't provided with the address?"

"I will ask this again:  DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE GOING?"

(scary guy!)

I said "Do you need the address?"

He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated.  WHAT ROUTE AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE TO GET THERE?! 

"i HAVE NO idea i'm from baltimore!

He says: "I'm going to get gas"

It looks like it's going to be 90 minutes of a wkward silence during this drive!

Before I know it he's running his mouth incessantly!  I fugured i better make the best of this.  He starts telling war stories!  He says that the other 2 cab companies in moutain town are run by tweekers!"

"What?"  "What do you mean?"

"Well, the drivers deal meth out of thei cars!"

"How do they know which customers will want it?"

(the entire trip is his initiating very heavy topics.  He draws graphic violent pictures of things he has seen in Mountain Town)

He tells me that a Navaho punched him in the back of the head ( the bony part where it doesn't hurt he emphasized)  and yelled "You stole my land you stole my land!

I replied:  "What did you do what did you say?"


(There were many instances where i just wanted to enjoy the scenery and not talk but he would have none of that,)

 in fact he asked me exactly what i think of his personality. 

"I plead the fifth"  I said.

He said "No, you need to tell me.  If you don't I will put your ass on the side of this highway and pray that it rains!"

He wasn't smiling when he said this but I'm stuck so I laughed and said something or other like i thought he was kidding, but who knows?

There were aspects of this guys personality that were endearing, some scary, i sort of understood him. in some ways.  In fact he was such a brusk guy that I just joined right in saying things like:  "Well, i know you won't mind if i cuss so "what the mother fucker did next was.........."

It's like "When in Rome do as the romans do"

I told him " I can handle you, your east coast like me!"

So this is a synopsis of what happened in the car.  The second part of the day is the shocking piece of what happened at pain managment, the third part of my day was at the soup kitchen sitting across from a guy who is covereed with mud, hands filthy and open bloeeding wound.........more on that in my next two postings!

p.s. the cab ride cost $720 dollars round trip but the cab company will give medicaid a 50% discount!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Midnight Star - Freak-A-Zoid Official Video

now this i remember!

Midnight Star - Operator Official Video

i do not remember this song but i love all the old school references!

Neil Patrick Harris on Ellen

Sudden Fury: A Family Torn Apart - The Muder Scene

I just heard this true story yesterday on this american life/NPR. I only watched him murder his mother not his father. I hate to say it but his parents remind me of my own adoptive parents.

"It's common to be stood up"

It's common to be stood up by nearly everyone.  It's common to be stood up by doctors as well.  At least in my life.  Today 3 patients traversed a mile by foot on snow and ice during a winter storm just to be stood up by the doctor.

I had only been waiting 15 minutes, when A PATIENT alerted me that the dr. wasn't coming in!  I went to the recep. and said "excuse me by why am i being alerted by a patient instead of a staffer here.  And why am i not given the common courtest of a phone call well in advance of when I need to leave the house?"

The recep. said she's only known for a minute that the doc isnot coming in.  Other staffers heard and one said "you have every right to be angry, would you like a complaint form"  I said "well, i like him as a person so i hesitate to go over his head with a complaint!"

I settled for writing an handwritten note on an 8 x 11 sheet up paper saying exactly how i felt and how unprofessional it is!  The secretary put in on the dr's*desk.

You see that I frequently use astericks.  Often times I am forced to change names or locations but this story really happened and it happens in every segment of society.  I am disgusted.

Friday, January 25, 2013

NPR/Roe vs. Wade/Fresh Air

Although i have figured out how to share links off of you tube, i do not know how to share links in any other case unfortunately or i would share the link for this show "We have no choice"  which aired on NPR "fresh air with terry gross" approx the 22nd of this month.

Most amazing was listening to Carolyn Jones from the church run program "involved for life" 

I know when I was a young adult it was not difficult at all , in fact it was commonplace and eas to find a "Planned Parenthood" if you needed one for whatever reason.  I suspect the most common reasons was for general women's health issues.

But I was dissapointed to learn that now, because of drastic funding decreases to secular organizations and women's health clinics, we have really gone backwards.

Involved for life, coerces women to not have abortions because supposedly it's dangerous or against "god's" will.

So poor girls or women some as young as 15 are not only encouraged to keep their babies despite having no partner or money, but they are also encouraged to remain abstinent even if they are MARRIED!


I thought of a young woman i know, only 23 years old here in Mountain Town.  She is partnered but in poverty with 3 girls.  She is living in complete squalor in a crowded trailer home.  She told me about the pregnancy center here in mt. town.

She said they "do not promote abortion"  , and do not provide access to birth control and discourage couples from having sex unless they are trying to procreate!  What is this the frickin' 1800's?!

Although the org. is generous about supplying babie's needs, they are oblivous to the quality of life this couple suffers.  The mom is very loving and seemingly adaptive, but dad seems despondent.....................................

This situation in our country makes me feel a little less judgemental against poor families who are procreating up the wazoo!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion (Video)

Looking back at First Blog Post 4//2007

Welcome to my first blog site! 2 nights ago, i was so desperate to get away from the chaos and noise of my neighborhood and bldg. that I checked into the inn. I've only been here a little over 24 hours and I feel like a different person. You see I live in a gov't subsidized bldg, where I just found out that that funky smell making it's way into my apt. is my neighbor's crack/cocaine.

At home I hear dogs barking around the clock, one of the neighbors uses woofers so my walls shake from the stereo.  Police don't seem to care about noise pollution even though it is torture.  The tenants scream and yell constantly even in ordinary conversations.

 Did I mention that the maintenance men are regularly stealing from us? Yes, I've found the following missing. Clothes, dishes, silverware, food, can opener, cookware, tapes, and money just to give you the tip of the iceberg on what life was like here.

 I am desperate for a better life, and waited 11.5 years to get into subsidized housing which i was sure would help me climb out of poverty.  I never dreamed I'd have to live in fear.  Checking into the "inn"  for a couple of days is a first step toward clearing my head, and hopefully finding a better life for myself somehow!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Beyonce Sings the National Anthem at the 2013 Inauguration of Barack Obama

Inauguration 2013: President Obama's Big Day


Yesterday, the bus driver's parents were riding the bus.  The driver was training Nick*.  The drivers name  is Chuck.*

So Chuck is telling his parents about how clever the toddler is getting, and gave some examples.


(I felt VERY  disturbed a bout this and much to my further shock; out of  conformity the parents laughed!)

Chuck said "No, I don't think I'm going to do that!"

"To heck with social niceties"

Most of the people who try to hug me or who extend their hand for a handshake are sick or dirty etc.  If I am in a upper middle to upper class situation then i will shake hands.  But no more apologies, if you extend your hand it is unlikely i will return the favor, i mean what do i have to lose?  It means i don't have to worry about my hands getting hurt (neuropathy) and i have just decreased my chance of getting the flu........................

If you are a cashier and want details on how my life is going or you want to discuss weather you have to find someone else.  I don't have interest or energy for small talk.

Friday, January 18, 2013

"Faux Paus at the Hairdresser"

Just a little funny to share with you.  I had my hair cut at the "beauty school" 2 months ago and the supervisor said the following to me:  "We think this is a good cut for you because it will SOFTEN YOUR FEATURES!"


This vignette still makes me smile.


I've been singing along with her on this song since i was in the first grade!

Heatwave - Groove Line

"All Things Considered/NPR"

Really enjoyed npr's farewell to Dear Abby.  I began reading those columns as a girl, additionally I owned a book called "Miss Manner's Guide to Rearing Perfect Children"  (i don't recall the author's real name!)  It was neat to hear about Abby and her sister Ann Landers as well as Abby's views and how they evolved since the 50's.

Someone wrote in to her and said that women 50 and over no longer want sex.  The letter got about 10 to 100k responses from women stating that the best sex for them was after 50 because the kids are gone they can be as loud as they want!

Farewell Abby!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Terry Gross Receives 2007 Literarian Award at the NBAs

Yes, this wasn't my image of her either. Her voice never ages, and she has a way of making every subject fascinating!

Last Night I Didn't Get To Sleep At All by The 5th Dimension

Now this song/video is a real boost to the senses!

Up Up and Away

One of my fave songs when i was a preschooler in 67!

"When receptionists don't know "which end is up"

It is terribly common for receptionist's to not even know how to spell the name of the person they work for!  Pitiful!

today i called the mayor's office and asked for the spelling of the mayor's name.  I knew the recept was spelling it wrong because it was pronounced smith*  but she spelled it jones*  When i called her on it, she said "you just aren't LISTENING carefully enough now do you want me to help you or don't you?"

These front end people seem dumber then rocks and it seems like a sure thing that nothing else at the given agnecy is going to work either.

"Whatever can go wrong"

So, I know better then to believe that just because a secretary sets up an appt. with me at a given place that there is less then a 50% chance that the meeting/appt. will come to fruition.

Needless to say, after i shared all the hullabaloos with you on trying to get into the pain clinic, which was supposed to happen today "of course" the Dr. got sick and had to cancel.............

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

"I miss working with children"

But I get so distracted by my poor health, etc.  So, as a reminder that I want to work with little kids again, I plan to put a post it note on the bathroom mirror saying:

"Remember, somewhere there is a child who needs your love!"

"Correction to previous post"/mlk on the mall"

Should have read: "just 8 weeks earlier i was born right down the street at George Washington Hospital!"

Martin Luther King - I Have A Dream Speech - August 28, 1963

Less then 8 weeks later, elana snyder will be born at g.w. university hospital in D.C. right down the road. ;)

"Decreased life expectancy"

 I only have a 50 to 70% chance of making it to my 50th birthday in 5 months.

Monday, January 14, 2013

"Adventures in Hitchiking"

So, I must have asked 5 women and couples at the library.  Just as i was ready to leave and give up, a man who I spoke to once at Big Bucks , told me he'd take me.

He asked me how things were at my apt. but before I could respond he turned the topic back to his own life.  He was making fun of a mandatory workshop he had to take on anger managment.

He started pretend mimic-ing the female voice of the 22 year old girl that was leading the workshop.

He said she asked him:

(and he did this with a hilarious little girl voice)

"Now, what color is anger?"

(for fun i yelled out the first answers that came to my mind)



mary-'NO, IT'S RED!"

MARY-Let's try again.  If anger were a car what kind of car would it be?!

Elana_"vw beetle!"


aNDY-But she said i was wrong and that it's a camaro!

So, my readers, you get the idea.  ;)

Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting

Meat Loaf & Patti Russo - Paradise By The Dashboard Light

"Addendum to "letter from birthmother"

After I poasted the "letter from birthmother" i realized that after she wrote "love, mother" she write another page.

Here it is:

"I am the last person on earth who could be considered a "golddigger"  That ASSHOLE (she is reffering to father) never did anything for me.

Things are different these days with dna testing; he WOULD have been held accountable!

I've been a people pleaser TOO DAMN LONG.

My battle now is just trying to survive my very difficult situation and health issues.  Good luck with yours.

Your father is:

hateful and vindictive.  He has tried to destroy me.  THE nicer I AM to people the more I am taken advantage of.

In an attempt to exclude himself from any responsbililty, he has sullied my reputation in order to get himself off the hook.

I PROMISE: NO MORE LETTERS MENTIONING YOUR FATHER!  I am on my way out of this cruel world and will not conform to what anyone else wants me to be.


The nicer i am to people the more i get shit on and taken advantage of.

(the end)

"Talking back to NPR!"

Some of my best "conversations" are when I talk back to NPR!  Nearly every show they do wows me.  I was THRILLED yesterday to hear Alex Kotlowitz's voice on "This American Life!"

Because the show was about somehting that I care deeply about, write about, and have been discussing with my friend Jackie who is a female survivor like me.

We both have PTSD, and I have been purporting "forever" that the effect that violent crimes have on civilians is nearly identical to what it is in vets!

Kotlowitz said what I have been saying for years!  "There is nothing POST about post traumatic stress disorder!"

Readers, please check out that broadcast:

it aired on 1/13/13  "This American Life" and I think it might have been entitled "The Doppleganger Effect"

I read Alex's essay entitled "There are No Children Here in Spring 05.  I never would have guessed that i would live an even more frightening version of what he describes in this essay.

Aquarius (Let the Sunshine in)

The colors in these outfits are so gorgeous i wanted to post this version as well!

"Goodbye Mountain Town"

Yup!  I have set a deadline for myself.  No later then 11/01/13!  This is the CLIMATE FROM HELL!  (or perhaps i should call it the CLIMATE FROM ANTARCTICA!)

We have had back to back hail and snow storms for 30 days.  Avg. daytime temps about 20f!  I can cope with any temp 40 fahrenheit or above, but this body , which is pushin' 50, is not willing  or able to "push!" snow banks, or ice mountains any longer!

Mark my words!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

The Gap Band - You Dropped A Bomb On Me

Heatwave - Boogie Nights

George McCrae -- Rock Your Baby

"Birthmother sends letter"

Dear Blog Audience,

 I received yet another "joyous and uplifting" letter today, just like every letter i've received since 1989 when mother and I met for the first time.

Below are  the excerpts.  I do not plan to write back or keep in contact at all.  I initiated the last face to face contact with her in 6/05, but since that time she showed no interest in seeing me again face to face.

Dear E,

It is urgent that you check yourself into a mental hospital.  Ironically you already have a degree in social work but you don't even know how to apply it to your life.

I am not trying to be mean, but it is obvious that THIS IS THE LIFE YOU HAVE CHOSEN FOR YOURSELF!    This allows you to escape the rigors of the work world.    You must get help with the DEMONS IN YOUR HEAD that  are plagueing you.  After  you get treatment and medication you need to surround yourself with people.  Volunteer or go to a group where others have the same struggles as you do.

My life has been more then difficult.  I spent it slaving, catering and pleasing others, all the while suffering from poor health.  It is obvious that my personality will never suit you, no matter what i say or do.  You suggested I see a therapist.  THERAPISTS ARE MORONS who listen to your problems for their entertainment.

I have had contact with them in the past when i was on massive doses of steroids to treat my double pneumonia.  The steroids plunged me into severe depression , which i got out of all by myself. 

I am sick of trying to please others.

I know you don't want to hear this however i hope it will help  you understand.  It seems that everyone you have mentioned in the past has flaws.  Too controlling, too condescending, too self centered, etc.  I promise to never write about your father after this letter ......however he finds fault and flaws in everyone but himself.  He analyzes and criticizes everything that i have ever said or done.

You obviously have inherited many of his traits. 

I try to find the good in people rather then their flaws, and we all have them.  Y do you think your father is alone?  He can't connect with people other then the few weird friends he may have.  I want nothing to do with him.

It saddens me that u have not been able to fight your demons, as u are intelligent enough to get help.

I'm clueless how you fell homeless again.  But, since u don't want to write or call due to me not conforming 2 your standards, i will never know.  You even broke up with your ex,  u could have had a good life.

Get help for ur health issues.  Certainly there must be places that the "disadvantaged" can go 2 get help.

Due 2 intense steroid doses 2 control my respiratory ailments, my immune system is greatly compromised.  I have been homebound for over 2 years.  I can't get near sick people.

I was rushed by ambo to the hospital.  The morons could not figure out what was wrong with me.  My heart rate and b.p. went to the moon.  I told them it was related to the bronchitis that i was suffering, however they did not listen 2 me and i was released the next day.  I have been suffering ever since.  I can't get better.

I am at the end of my journey and it has been quite difficult my entire life.  Hard physical labor, illness, heartache, used and abused, never appreciated.

"God helps those who help themselves"



Friday, January 11, 2013

Hair I got life

Easy to be hard

Wow, when I was a member of the chorus for the 1989 production of Hair, I didn't grasp the lyrics of this buy I sure do now. What a gorgeous voice she has, makes me yearn to sing for the public again. Not impossible.

Hair - The Hair song

White Boys / Black Boys - Hair

The Stylistics You Make Me Feel Brand New

from the time i was a child, hearing this song has never failed to transport me right to heaven! gorgeous!

Come And Get Your Love Redbone 1974

"Psychology Today" (2006 issue)

So, i pick up a discarded free mag at the library.  The issue is 06.  The article is called something to the effect of:

"Why are we attracted to exotic faces?"

The article shows a pic of a woman, and a man named SENATOR BARACK OBAMA!

It goes on to say that the older assumptions about what humans are attracted to (people who look like them) has been disproven.  In fact most of us find the most beautiful folks to be mixed race.  That attraction to diverse genetics is hard wired in us.

I must say that from 69 to 75 i lived in a very diverse neighborhood in Baltimore called Randallstown.  I was at least 13 before i ever looked at a white boy and even remotely considered them attractive!

"The latest with the pain clinic/life in hell"

As you know, it was a 90 day process to get the appt. scheduled with a series of very stressful mishaps.  When I called to book the "medicaid" van, they said, "we don't go to mountain town suburb!"

Back to feeling paralyzed.  I can't function with so much pain as it is!  I call the clinic and tell D. that the van isn't going to take me.  I ask her what would she do if she where in my boat.  "She said I have no idea"  So, she claims she went ahead and cancelled the appt.

All together i've been waiting almost 5 years for pain mgmt.

Now, because the staff at the clinc are all screwed up and don't communicate with one another, i get yet another call today from another secretary at the clinic.  (i cannot believe my life)

She told my v.mail that i have this appt. on weds!  I call her and tell her that the ofc. mgr. cancelled the appt. because the van won't take me and why is it that she doesn't know that?  I said "Geez you guys are all working as individual units, with no communication with the rest of the staff!"

Her response realy impressed me and I thought she was very professional!  She laughed and she said "you aren't kidding, they just hired me here and the communication in this office is lousy!"

She proceeded to advise me to talk to the director of the medicaid van service to complain!

When I called the transport. office I asked to speak to the manager.  Here is what happend i am not kidding you!

hi may i help you i am mary!

me-"Mary, may i please speak to a mgr.?"

mary-"sure no problem, i will transfer you"

bob-"hello, this is bob may i help you?

me-bob are you a mgr?

bob-no i'm not would you like me to transfer you?

me-yes please

jim-hi i'm jim may i help you?

me-jim, are you  a mgr?

jim-no i'm not would you like me to transfer you?

(all together i had to go thru 6 employees before i was sent to the mgr!)

 the whole thing got worked out and i am supposed to go on wednesday.  Ironically, it's because her staff are so disorganized that this ride thing will work out.

Boy, life is exhausting.  I will let you know if this doctor ends up being able to give me a semi normal qol. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Get Off by Foxy

Regardless of whether or not you like disco, this is one entertaining video!

Silver Convention - Fly Robin Fly

Love those motorcycles!
I looked at the 26 photos of  the  amazing Sandy Hook victims.  26 angels indeed!  Even the staff!  I believe you can see a person's beautiful energy just by looking at their photo.  Do you?

"Overheard on the bus"

(Mountain town underclass "culture" is nearly as sick as Baltimore's)

Woman says to her friend today: "Yeah, so I gave him one of my tranquilizers and fell down the staircase!  He broke a leg!  Hahahaha!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

R.E.M. - Shiny Happy People (Video)

Makes my think of the smiling folks who know you and drive past you while you are traversing in a snowstorm, they recognize you smile, but THEY DON'T PICK U UP! Well of course they are smiling!

"I sold my soul for affordable housing"

On many levels, I feel as if I have sold my soul just to have a home.  This has been true at all 4 of the subsidized places, the journey began in 6/05.   It is constant worry and stress, especially because even though you doing "all you are supposed to do"  on most levels it is not reciprocated by any stretch of the imagination by the landlords or management team!  But what choice does one have if they are in poverty?

"Even the "complaint" department is broken"

So, I have been waiting 5 years to get into a pain managment clinic and everything that can go wrong has gone wrong.  I did get into one a year ago, and the whole operation was a sham, and not one single employee understood English.

 3 months ago i was referred to dr. joan* the pain management specialist in mountain town*

In the eleven weeks that have passed the office continuously lost my paperwork.  They assured me that the health van* will get me there since the doctor moved to los angelos*  One is only required to let the health van know one week in advance that you need a ride.

When i did that today i was referred to 3 different workers.  I am finally told "oh, the health van doesn't service l.a.!*

At this point a librarian has the nerve to come over and tell me to be quiet!  I said, you know the fact that you are reprimanding me is incredibly hypocritical.  I am in a quiet corner away from people and it's the most logical time to make a call.  Plus, the tb coughing in here is deafening , as well as the basic level of noise most of the time!  I know that you didn't make the rules but I do think this is incredible hypocrisy!  (At this point, I fill out a complaint form about her complaint, and give it to the manager, who i have a very good relationship with!)

I called the pain mgmt. clinic and told them I don't even know who to file the complaint with that all of my hard work was for naught.  The secretary said: "If it happened to me i wouldn't know where to file the complaint to either!"

So, back to square one!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


Doesn't seem to matter where I am, folks, often employees of a restaurant etc,  come within a couple of inches of me, then drop or smash whatever they were carrying!  Sometimes this  happens 2 me multiple times in a day!

One particularly memorable incident was on payday.  I ordered a cheeseburger, and changed my seat 4x because no matter where I sat,  I could see the location was an accident waiting to happen.  At the end of my meal, I'm nice and relaxed when the busboy drops the items from his tray ONTO MY TABLE!

At the market, yesterday, it's a good thing i chose the seat nearest the wall, which is unusual.  An employee  was practically running with this tray of coffee canisters that were breakable.  Just as she gets to my table, everything smashes on the floor and items go flying!

Perhaps this is all a part of my life curse that started at birth.

"Suicide epidemic/Newsweek"

6/25/12 "Europe's White Widows" by Barbie Natza Ladeau

The long and the short of the article is that for males in Europe, poverty is the only obstacle they need to kill themselves.  They choose brutal means which they obviously did not really research in advance and sometimes they kill their own kids, a slow painful death.

I also draw the conclusion that the females in the society, are not pushed to suicide because they are poor.........................(or perhaps like in u.s. they are making tons of failed attempts and that isn't making the news)

This is the most powerful quote in the article i think:

"At this rate there will soon be far fewere poor people because THEY ALL WILL HAVE KILLED THEMSELVES!"

"Practically no control over my circumstances"

I say this because what good is a shoelace if you have no shoes!  I can't walk though the snow and ice to get to the recycle container, i certainly can't do that if i am carrying a heavy load!

So, I asked my neighbor:

Look, i can't get to that bin.  Would you please bring that bin to this point so i can put my recycle in?

yes, he replied.  next day it was not done

I ask another neighbor, he is very hesitant, and says but tomorrow morn isn't pickup, i said yes, but i need to get help when i can get it.

He brings the bin to the point i need it to be so i can put the stuff in.

Next day the other neighbor puts it back in the snow, so i still can't get it to curb!

I call the city tell them i need help, and they tell me a long drawn out procedure involving the city needing verficiation from my doc that i can't do this myself.  i told him i do not have a doc.

Does anyone else have a life where every waking moment is just a cluster f#$% of everything going wrong because the other parts can't do anything right?


I have a tentative appt. at the pain clinic, but i have had 6 employees make seperate calls about how they lost my paperwork, and how i have to reschudule!  So, even after the manager said "that's not true we have your paperwork!"  next day i get a call from that same office "no we don't"

So, i do not know whether i will get to finally get into the clinic because nobody knows what they are doing!

"Practically nobody can be trusted"

I told agency a that i was going to be applying for the disability van.  They said"come into our agency and we'll help you with application"

My first thought was, well i dont need help, but o.k.

So, the agency didn't tell me that they had their own form that they were going to fill out also.

So, I get called into the bus company to review my appl.  Should I be surpirsed?  She says:  "Everything your doctor filled out contradicts what you filled out!"

I looked at it wondering what she meant by "doctor"  Turns out a clinician who doesn't know me or my circumstances filled it out, i could not believe what she said.  She got every single thing wrong regarding my physical health!

Certainly not the first time i felt pissed with this agency for their screw ups.  I looked at the answers she gave and thought:  how could she possibly fill that out without asking me first!  She  just made crap up!

The person who does the approvals, said "it's not your fault that this app. was filled out wrong.  Now, "i'm not supposed to do this" (that's always a fun phrase ehh?)  "but i am going to approve you for 12 weeks while we get this worked out, because i know you are telling the truth about your disase.................................

more stories later

Monday, January 7, 2013

Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting (playlist)

Never Forget

"Car Talk"

The other day I heard this clip on Car Talk.  I will paraphrase to the best of my ability.

NPR caller-"Hi you guys"  I think I'm trapped inside a country music song"  I had an accident so went to the hospital, then they said "you have cancer" then my wife left me

tapper-"did your dog die too?!"

yes!  he replied

caller- "So, now that I'm single you need to tell me what kind of car i need to buy to attract chicks!?

Tapper-Well, what is your target demographic?  If you want 18 to 22 then you need a vw beetle!  I'm guessing you are about 60!

Caller-sounds good

tapper-what is your upper age limit?


tapper-you can go with a mazda miata also.  why don't you throw in a puppy for good measure?!

caller-well, if i get a pup where should i put the girl?

tapper-just have the pup run along side the car while you are driving!


Author's Note

The folks who call into the show, always have cars that are more then 20 years old, and money to burn.  The answer is to buy a newish car or one no older then 10 years old, which will put car talk out of business!  Sadly, they are retiring, and car talk will be no more.  Will have to find another place for a good laugh!

"nightmarish symptoms"

The inside top of my right thigh was lit on fire with a match.  By whom, you ask?  It was either the fibromyalgia devil, the post lyme disease devil or the neiuropathy devil.  It hurts beyond belief but is not feasable for me to walk around with an ice pack on it 24/7.

My throat is killing me, I have a migraine............................likely fibromyalgia symptoms as well.....................

There isn't enough "ink on my typewriter" to give you my usual list of symptoms that never goes away, so i won't even try.

I have had about 10 hours total sleep in about 2 weeks...............................

Friday, January 4, 2013

Fontella Bass - Rescue Me (Shindig 1965)

I was one year old when this came out. r.i.p. Fontanella!

"More rules for subsidized housing"

no alcohol on premises
no medical marijuana on premises
must attend group therapy
must perform volunteer work
must work part time
no overnight guests
there will be inspections must be clean
must undergo tb test
if agency suspicious of you, drug test will be performed
must save 50 dollars a month
must be "independent" within 12 months
must move into "permanent" housing within 12 months

I'm sure i'm forgetting things but u get the idea.  My home is gorgeous, not just shelter but a home.  But when i told my friend today about just 2 of the the rules, she said "You must feel like you are in detention"

Thursday, January 3, 2013

life is crap website

Check it out!

"Every year the same complaint!"

You anticipate you will probably be alone for t-giving, or christmas, or new years.  So the living hell is this:  Some stranger, bank teller, whatever ask you either, what you are going to do, or what did you do?!

Last year, someone asked me that on 1/10  "how were your holidays"  I replied:  "it is 1/10, and i should not still be required to answer questions ab out last years holidays!"

Most of the time they ask you, not because they care, but they are eager to talk about the good food and grweat gifts and wonderful family they were blessed with!

I just thank goodness I do not have to start putting up with this sh#$ again until about 11/1/2013!

"What was life like for birthmother"

please check out

I met Karen at a conference in 03 ish.  My birthmother lived in this same home so likely life was similar to Karen's experience, but she has never discussed it with me.  I don't know if i was ever in foster care or even on what date I became owned by the Snyder family.

Cinderella was lucky

Cinderella didn't have to be home until midnight.  I feel like i am on house arrest, because between the dangers of the streets, the brutal cold and ice, and no car I am always in by 5.

Many Americans, especially those with cars would not be able to tolerate a quality of life like that.

Time Square Ball Drop 2013 New York City (New Year's Rockin Eve 13) (HD)

If you're American, the times square ball drop stays in your blood, regardless of whether or not we believe it will get better!

In Search Of: Pauli Staaleson

I'm in search of past roomate who is either in Norway or Baltimore, Maryland.  He has 4 children.  If anyone can find a way to contact him please let me know, he is 48.

Jimmy Buffett - Cheeseburger In Paradise

When i posted 2 "food" songs, i had no idea they were both made popular by Buffett!

Escape (Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes Lyrics

The poignancy of this song always brings a tear to my eye.

"The song has already been written!"

Today was payday.  I went to a Mexican! restaurant and had a cheeseburger and a pina colada!  I likely have not had a pina colada in 25 years.

Well, it doesn't take me long to realize that, there is a song about pina coladas and a song about cheeseburgers!  I will search for the videos on you tube and repost to my blog!