The 2 things I mourn the most are my marriage that broke up in 94, and the relationships I had while living in Lafayette, Indiana. (None were from Purdue however)
Last weekend I reviewed my journals from June 1994 and realized that even though I was living basically a street like life; I had built up amazing relationships and was also dating 2 terrific guys. I moved to Baltimore thinking that in a big city I'd have a better shot at getting out of poverty. But due to the crime and hatefulness I destroyed my life by moving there. (I actually lived in Indiana on 3 separate occasions)
It's been a real trip. I've been staying at Matt's place since January but I have to be out next month. It's been really rough on weekdays and amazing on weekends. It helps that the weather has been pefect.
I met with Rick* on May 7th and we went to Ross Hills Park. It was his initiation and I hope it wasn't the last, we had a real soul connection. I think I'm in love, I didn't want the time to end. He walked with me arm and arm which was a wonderful surprise since we aren't "going steady" A day from heaven.
I'm only getting sporadic work however. Pretty scary not knowing how you'll make your rent. Last week I was sick with migraine and asthma.
I'm ready for adventure. I'm ready to leave Indiana.
Went over to the Rosens to hang out with the kids I babysit for. I can't remember the last time I laid down in the grass and went rolling down the hill!
Saturday I went to hear Dean* sing in the Lafayette Chamber Singers concert. I was completely blown away. The concert was called Songs of Love.
Sunday , Mother's day I went to the Unitarian church for choir rehearsal but I can't make a long term commitment since I have no fixed address.
Anna T. a little girl there that I bonded with gave me a potted flower in recognition of my being a special adult in her life. Really brought a tear to my eye. We promised to stay in touch after I leave Indiana.
Then I ran into Carson. We talked about the meaning of life and agreed that in many ways life feels very empty. For him, it's empty because he doesn't have a g/f. I told him for me it's because I have no family at all. He walked me where I needed to get to and he pointed out what happened to my broken down car.
We held hands and sang songs and I wished I was near the Yarra River in Melbourne. We acted like little kids and could not stop laughing.