Thursday, June 26, 2014

"The 2 things I mourn the most"

The 2 things I mourn the most are my marriage that broke up in 94, and the relationships I had while living in Lafayette, Indiana.  (None were from Purdue however)

Last weekend I reviewed my journals from June 1994 and realized that even though I was living basically a street like life; I had built up amazing relationships and was also dating 2 terrific guys.  I moved to Baltimore thinking that in a big city I'd have a better shot at getting out of poverty.  But due to the crime and hatefulness I destroyed my life by moving there.  (I actually lived in Indiana on 3 separate occasions)


It's been a real trip.  I've been staying at Matt's place since January but I have to be out next month.  It's been really rough on weekdays and amazing on weekends.  It helps that the weather has been pefect. 

I met with Rick* on May 7th and we went to Ross Hills Park.  It was his initiation and I hope it wasn't the last, we had a real soul connection.  I think I'm in love, I didn't want the time to end.  He walked with me arm and arm which was a wonderful surprise since we aren't "going steady"  A day from heaven.

I'm only getting sporadic work however.  Pretty scary not knowing how you'll make your rent.  Last week I was sick with migraine and asthma.

I'm ready for adventure.  I'm ready to leave Indiana.

Went over to the Rosens to hang out with the kids I babysit for.  I can't remember the last time I laid down in the grass and went rolling down the hill! 

Saturday I went to hear Dean* sing in the Lafayette Chamber Singers concert.  I was completely blown away.  The concert was called Songs of Love.

Sunday , Mother's day I went to the Unitarian church for choir rehearsal but I can't make a long term commitment since I have no fixed address. 

Anna T. a little girl there that I bonded with gave me a potted flower in recognition of my being a special adult in her life.  Really brought a tear to my eye.  We promised to stay in touch after I leave Indiana.

Then I ran into Carson.  We talked about the meaning of life and agreed that in many ways life feels very empty.  For him, it's empty because he doesn't have a g/f.  I told him for me it's because I have no family at all.  He walked me where I needed to get to and he pointed out what happened to my broken down car.

We held hands and sang songs and I wished I was near the Yarra River in Melbourne.  We acted like little kids and could not stop laughing.

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