Wednesday, July 10, 2013

"Age 50 brings no changes/go straight to jail"

Conditions still brutal for a great deal of reasons.  I'm back to not sleeping (been awake for 48 hours)  When I do sleep I go to bed worrying and wake up worrying. I only eat once a day because I'm too distraught to eat.

Thank goodness I read the paper on Friday.  One of the first guys I met here in mountain town (week 1 here)  is J.  Movie star handsome, college educated loves his mother.  He grew up in Indiana* and he is just a little bit younger then me.

You could say I did a great deal of "street social work" for him in 2011.   Sadly, he is a really split guy.  He loves to party  loves all sorts of drugs and has very wild friends. He is a lapsed Mormon.  I kept clear boundaries with him from day 1.  I told him that if he goes into rehab I will be there for him since he wants to go back to college and other dreams as well.  I said, I can only hang with you when you are sober and you better not have any drugs on your person when your in my company!

The one crime he confessed to me (short of the drugs)  was that a man here in mountain town had attacked him so J. punched him and the guy fell back hit his head on concrete and died. (about 2 years ago)

 When I picked up the paper I was heartbroken.  He has been charged with starting a number of fires in Mountain Town.  I know he has mental illness and loves meth.

  I did not realize how much I care about him until I read about his predicament.

I decided that I was going to work up the courage to visit him in jail.  After all I know a great deal about him (and got him his only birthday present in 2011)  We got together once in 2011 for pizza, and once we went to a free movie (Jessie james life!)  my idea.

So, it takes me more then 1/2 hour of walking to find the jail yesterday.  When I get there I have to lock up my belongings and then walk to his pod ALONE!

I had a panic attack, as it was a long TERRIFYING walk.  No one accompanied me and the clerk's instructions were wrong!  Long halls with thick cement walls and NO PEOPLE!  No way to get help if you need it.  I ended up going up and down staircases fearing i'd get stuck in jail forever!

When I finally found J's pod,  his telephone was broken so we didn't even get to have our visit!  :(  I asked him if he can get an employee to resolve the problem.  He said no, there isn't anyone.

We tried yelling thru the glass but it was nearly impossible to hear because there was a girl sitting next to me doing her telephone visit.

J. begged me to tell his psychiatrist that he needs a lawyer.  yesterday was the first time I experienced what a parent must feel when their child gets into trouble.  I realized I have a strong bond with J.  (and found out he was telling everyone I am his girlfriend, that was last year) and still care a great deal about what happens to him, even tho' he did a very wrong thing. Before I left, I kissed my hand and then touched the glass.  He did the same thing and we met hands at the bulletproof glass.  I said:  "I CARE!"

so, turns out he went to court today and I'm told bond is set at 5k.  I don't know why he'd be able to get out on bond at all since he endangered people, but I do not know the nuances of the case.

I hope I don't lose track of him once he gets out of jail.

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