Tuesday, April 30, 2013

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Summertime

LL Cool J - Around the Way Girl

We Love You (Official Full-Length) Rainbow Gathering Documentary

"Awesome t-shirt slogans"

Yesterday i saw a tshirt with an insignia of a fish swimming in a fish bowl.  Underneath the slogan said:


"Overheard cell phone conversation"

So, i'm on the bus today and this guy is yelling into his cell phone.  He says:

"When your an atheist social group there is no such thing as a devil's advocate!"

When he got off the phone I said "I love it!  In fact i love it so much i am going to write it down!"

He asked me what i love and i told him.  He went on to tell me about Mountain Town's atheist group that love to party.

I said, Well, i can promise you one thing, you are going to be seeing me really soon!

Monday, April 29, 2013

YouTube Mix (playlist)

"Cowboy up!"/Synchronicity

I've been thinking over the last couple of days that you can see it in pop culture, on t.v. everywhere.  Many if not most American women don't give men the time of day if they are broke or unemployed.  they don't even give them a chance.  And forget it for the homeless guys, many of them are sol.

It made me think about the song called "Scrubs"  they lyrics are "i don't want no scrubs a scrub is a guy who  can't get no love from me"

Synchronistically i was talking with 28 yo Jeanie* from the shelter today.

She has a thick souther accent.  She said,  "it's like this"

"Cowboy Up!  You better take care of me, you better take me out to eat let me get manicures and pedicures etcetera.  I am doing your meals your laundry, etc. and i will not be with a man who


I like Jeanie because she is firey like me!

Black Betty (Ram Jam) With lyrics

"Where's the party?!"

I just met Shannon and ERic.  They are 23, they are travelling through Mountain Town on their way to the rainbow gathering.  She is a social work major interested in intentional community.

Neither she nor I have ever been to a Rainbow Gathering.  We decided that what really matters in life is

Where's the party?!

I told her that my spirit is willing my body is weak, and then i recited

"I love the nightlife i want to boogie"

(she knows it!)

Johnnie Taylor ~ Last Two Dollars

this is so appropriate.  seems like nearly everyone i've met in the last couple of weeks is either destitute or has no more then 2 dollars.  One of the reasons i couldn't find moving help is because the guy with the truck has no gas.  Shannon and Eric have 2 dollars but no car, and T. has muscles but no phone or no car so i couldn't call him either.

Too damn many people destitute in this town!


Being engaged is awesome but being married is the pits!

"part 2 homeless shelter"

Since Mountain Town is so small i knew many of the homeless folks.  It was particularly saddening to see the lady in the wheelchair, her life is hard enough as it is.

thank goodness 2 of the acquaintances i have a nice connection with so that helped pass some time.

I had to do yet another intake on my life situation even though i was only required to stay in shelter one night.  There are roughly 47 beds for men, and 14 for women.  There was no heat and the lights were left on all night.

I used 7 blankets and of course i never fell asleep.  The stress and the food i was forced to eat made me throw up.  I also felt very hungry and the staffer sitting near my cot ate all night.

I asked if we could have snack and they said no.  (Poor people have to ask permission to wipe their arse, as every single agency has brand new rules and one constantly has to ask permission.)

One of the women who interviewed me was m.  I asked her to please speak softly as i do not want the others to hear my situation.  She said, it doesn't matter if they hear your situation.  (in so many words this is what she said, she turned out to be really nasty and controlling)

I implored they don't put me on the floor over night.  i said, if you do, because of my disease i may get paralyzed and not be able to get back up.  (temporary paralysis is daily for me)

Dinner was pork and beans not too many veges.  I crave milk but there is only water.

The women have to go back over to the women's side by 7 p.m.  I went to the blanket area searching for a warm blanket and staff said : i don't advise you use those blankets they never get washed.

(so i didn't)

The bedding on my cot was not very clean and the sheets were left there from the last resident.  I took the old sheets to wrap up my valuables because in the lasst 20 years nearly all my possessions were stolen or vandalilzed.  I needed to carefully protect what little i have.  Staff reprimanded me and said, you are not allowed to hide your stuff in sheets.

Another consumer was ranting and upset she claimed that one of the staffr stole all of her incontinence pads.

Many consumers seems severely depressed or so angry they could kill.  All of these emotions are understandable to me.........................................more on this later.  due to the nerve damage in my hands they hurt and i need to take a break from typing.

"Brutal brutal conditions"

Agency a. who runs my old apt. said that a new place had opened up for me where i would have my own place.  They never gave me a moving day or made any plans to bring me boxes or physically help me move.  So, penniless, wracked with pain, and 10 hours sleep a month in this dangerouos situation i have been living just minute to minute. 

Agency B said that i can't move into new place til a. gives the go ahead which they never did.

b asked a to get a motel voucher for me because unless i prove i'm homeless i cannot move to the new place.

never heard word about a ever having come up with the voucher apparently they didn't.  So, i'm just hanging minute by minute and getting tons of mixed messages. 

I had roughly 4 person from a. tell me one thing and then b. telling me the opposite.

a. told me to head over to the homeless shelter.  since it was last minute i had no change of clothes or any idea of how to get there.

i told b. that i was on my way to shelter and they told me not to go.

a. told me to pay for the motel myself in lieu of a voucher.  this was a higher up saying this, and i knew it was against the rules.  the rules are that an outside agency has to pay for the motel but nobody ever made the arrangements.

i was told i had to go to some new appt. with some new employee on a thursday, but b. implied that if i go to THAT meeting, i will lose the apt.

I arrived at the bus stop for the shelter and an acquaintance recognized me and walked me there.  it was nearly a 2 mi. walk.  you know i'm in excruc. pain that never goes away and the problems with my feet are so severe now that i limp the pain is so bad.

I was told to go in the fenced area kinda like a prison courtyard.  Folks have to wait outdoors sometimes for more then an hour.  Frequently the climate is brutal here but not today.  I knew this was going to be traumatic and i implored the 2 agencies to get me into the motel so i would not have to endure any more trauma.  Well, no one could get there act together so i figured i better go to shelter.

I waited outside for more then an hour breathing alot of second hand smoke since they do allow smoking in courtyard.  Isee 2 acqauintances, and i know alot of these homeless mountain town folks.  part 2 coming in a few minutes

"Sedona Diaries" - Ep. 1 - Eazystar's Variety Society

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

"NPR/Daycare hell"

I haven't heard the show daycare hell yet, but i can't wait.

I have worked in anywhere from one to two dozen daycare settings.  Out of those, there were only 2 that i would put my own child in.  The Young School in Columbia Maryland and The Waldorf School in Baltimore City.

I witnessed verbal emotional and physical abuse and neglect at most centers.

I used to make up a list for parents of daycare centersz to avoid!

Can't wait to hear what npr has to say!

"On the Battlefield"

I'll never be able to share the whole thing, but i wish i could.  I was out for 12 hours yesterday and i don't think there is a person on the planet (especially middle class/rich) who has ever had a day like i had.  I'm battling 24/7 since my home isnot safe.

yesterday i did emergency walk in at urgent care presenting with symptoms caused by my roommate poisoning me with the various things she burns.

I presented with

chest pain
bad cough
sore throat
possible fluid in lungs
runny congested nose
gasping for air
chronic migraine

doc asked:

do you also have?

face pain
bloody discharge from nose

yes yes yes  i have all thing things she asked

are you allergic to cigarettes she asked

yes i am

her support staff sucked but she was great.  we are going to test my blood for carbon monoxide.

now my dear readers, this represents just an hour of my day yesterday

today i woke up to find my r/m put her radio on the stove plugged in

Monday, April 22, 2013

Billy Joel - Only The Good Die Young (HQ with lyrics)


It blows my mind how many men (especially on the bus) have told me that they are clean now, just to step off the bus and light up a cigarette immediately.

today there was a man on the bus that needed to go to a particular shop.  I joked "normally i don't invite men to follow me, but you are more then welcome to follow me because i am going there!"  (i am a forever jokester and commonly get folks on the bus to laugh)

So, then he starts up with the smoker's hack.  i said "that is, you can walk with me as long as you don't light up"

The bottom line my dear readers is that he decided that his need for a ciggie was much greateer then his need for my help, and i couldn't get over that he was bragging about "i'm clean 5 yearz now"

"True story, but the name has been changed"

Oh Amazing Synchronicity!  About 4 days ago, i saw a guy on the bus who looks like Elton John*  then 2 days later i saw him again so I said "hi elton!"

Yesterday at the soup kitchen i found out that the real Elton John makes his home here in Mountain Town!

Frickin' amazing.  The diner at the soup kitchen did not previously know that I saw EJ look alike a day earlier!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

top ten rock vocalists of all time

"The Eighties"

So, i just discovered


on that national geographic channel (no i don't own a t.v.)

and i was fascinated, i learned an awful lot

I was in senior yr. in 1980

then 81 to 83 my parents forced me to work office jobs.

83 i started at college without my parents financial help or blessing and worked full time

So, the bottom line is:

between severe sleep deprivation my job, college, and my parents not allowing me to pick a show or watch their t.v.'s i was out of it for pop culture except radio and some records.

I was reminded that in 81 (i think it was)  someone attempted to take reagan's life.  the hospital that saved his life is the same hospital i was born at in 63.

You will love this series, especially if you lived through it or slept through it, like it seems i did in that i missed so much!

RUN-DMC - Walk This Way

I was huge into this / both versions from the time they came out. The reason i am posting this is because i just discovered national geographic television series on how the eighties shaped america. So they talked about how both of these groups were hugely resistant to working together, but later loved the idea.

This production helped race relations in a big way in America, the show said: in part because it after this video, it wasn't so; much anymore about

oh the whites listen to rock
and the blacks listen to rap!

12 of George Beverly Shea's better-known hymns

I still own notebooks of elaborate Christian writings and artwork that i created when i was a Christian as well as when i was a Messianic Jew.

I consider that i would like to publish tha in my original handwriting as opposed to typed up.

 The religious period of my life was 81-86 more or less.  Like i said, i got saved at the b.g. crusade in baltimore in june 1981.

The music really is incredible even to me the atheist!


Five year old boy to his mother  "You mean i get to have my OWN gun now?!"

Now my dear reader i would like t o believe we are talking about toy guns.  Nonetheless, the prevalence of toy guns available to young children does not please me to say the least!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Billy Graham Preaching at Camden Yards in Baltimore, MD July 7, 2006 (Hi...

Remarkable that his last time was in Baltimore! c my prior posts for today

George Beverly Shea at nearly 103 years old, "How Great Thou Art"

Happy 104th Birthday George Beverly Shea

George Beverly Shea - How Great Thou Art ( 1961 )

Beautiful! I wonder if he sang at the june 81 crusade, where i got saved?! (yes, i am now an atheist) but, rip mr. shea

"War story at the coffee shop today"

Today, my acquaintance came into the coffee shop with her 2 friends.  I felt comfy enough to plop down at their table.  Within a few minutes the 19 y.o.  Lily* began to tell her life story.  Like mine it is the kind of story that best sellers are made of!  My goal today is not so much to relay her heartbreaking story but , conversely to share with you the insights she had on my room-mate, based on her own mental illnesses (lily's mental ilnesses)

So, Lily had me describe in detail what it is like to live with Stella.*  I described all the detail i could think of:.

Here is the laundry list of what Lily* believes are Stella's diagnosis:

major borderline schizophrenia
multiple personality disorder with tendency toward self destruction
bi-polar 2
obsessive compulsive disorder

Now, my beloved readers; is it any wonder why i have been awake since February 1st?

Thursday, April 18, 2013

YouTube Mix (playlist)


please go to


it is a documentary that was filmed internationally.  i saw it last night aned it was amazing.  They go around asking people what is making them happy , or not.

they even cover suicide, bullying....very comprehensive movie, beautiful.

2 of the scenes that moved me to tears were

the man who left his job as a banker to work at the home for the destitute and dying!  who knew there existed such a place?


the scenes in the middle school were children described how bullying has effected their lives.

well done, bravo!

"Wonderful t-shirt slogans"

Today i saw a t shirt that for many would be appalling but for me was WONDERFUL!

It said:


"The consequences of severe sleep deprivation"

So, due to my room-mate staying awake all night every night and the behaviors i have been describing to you since 2/9 ish, i have had about 25 hours sleep in 10.5 weeks.

I am very weak, can barely walk or keep my eyes open.  Someone asked me where i got my free water yesterday and i told her i didn't know.

Payng for things with my bus pass.  Normally a clear headed woman i do not know which way is up.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Kool & the Gang - Fresh

"The Boston Marathon"

It just so happened that i had access to a t.v. that day for the first time since november.  Initially i did not grasp the magnitude of what had happened because i did not have any concept of the high # of folks in attendance, until i got sucked into the story and watched it repeatedly on different channels.

My initial cognitive response was:  yes it is a dangerous society and more people then that are maimed and killed in car accidents every year, and the situation is also much worse for blacks in the inner cities and i referenced in an earlier post called harper high school.

But now that i realize the magnatude of this and have heard the late Chrystal described by her friend i feel a little more emotional and sad.

Conversely, i feel that, when you compare this event to the thousands or millions of Americans who are living in fear every day of their lives, like those who are victims of domestic violence, i feel it puts everything in perspective.

My heart goes out to the families and friends of the victims and to everyone who was deeply changed by this sad event.

THE BEST - Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb - PULSE - HD High Definition Wi...

Adam Lambert - Mad World [Live]

i just can't get enough of his live performances of this song. ironically the you tube ad that proceeded the song was primavera online middle school. great ad. really tragic however because it illustrates that the average public school is no place for a child to be happy or successful.......

"On finding beauty"

Today, I looked out the bus window at the spectacular clouds and snow tipped mountains/it's a completely different sort of beauty then in MD, a beauty that I sometimes miss. 

today, i was on the bus when I observed a woman say the following to someone she did not know:

"I noticed that your shopping bag is beginning to tear, and I have an extra bag so why don't you take it?!"

I smiled and told her: "You know what you just did is one of the things that I love about a small town!  I rarely saw acts of kindness like that in Baltimore, my hometown."

She smiled.

Monday, April 15, 2013

"Best interests at heart"

You would not believe what has transpired in just the last 12 hours.  It would be so cool if i could go the route of full disclosure.  But, a. not everyone has my best interests at heart    and b.  we all know that there are ramifications for going with full disclosure on social media!

You already know that in the last 10 weeks i have had about 25 total hours sleep.  Where as normally i am clear headed pretty organized and definitely not a.d.d./my brain function is diminished.  I go to pay for items with my bus pass, today i left my zipper open, and i left my i.d. etc. at home.

I had my first ever fight with my roomate.  I mean i know that it is useless to fight with someone who is seriously mentally ill.  But she has pushed and pushed and pushed.  So, at 1:30 a.m. when she was trying to do laundry, i shut the dryer off and told her she is not going to keep me up the whole god d#$% night again.  She said she'll do whatever the fuck she wants.

So, I unplugged the dryer 5x, then gave up, and she kept me up all night again........ I am definitely losing my temper more but usually she does not know that.  I mean i am fed up with the agency that is running things because as per usual, nearly every single employee is grossly incompetent.

So, since i left my bus pass at home the driver said i could do a one way trip without paying, but of course i have to pay for teh next trip.  I got a free bus pass from the housing agency, where i "fought" with the landlord.  He did not turn in the changes in time, so not only have my cupboards been empty for months (and frig. etc.) but food stamps cut me off.

Took bus to the bank and went to get the free coffee.  The greeter asked me "if i was o.k.?!"  I said "i have no idea howto respond to that"

he said, "do you need to see a banker"

i said i will get in the line in a minute.  When i got in line, they were hesitant to give me any cash.  I told them i do not have the luxury of driving home to get my i.d.  they asked me some security questions and approved me to have 20 dollars.

Then, i saw that the greeter took the creamer and sugar away-so i did not get the second cup of coffee i was hoping for.  Is anything really "free?"

When i came out to the bus stop i could not sit down because a disheveled dirty beggar was there.  I felt angry that he was successful in getting money from people going into and out of the bank.  I knew he wanted to ask me for money but i stood far away.

Moments later a woman asked me for bus fare.  i said "get away from me"  i'm not putting up with 2 beggars.  She insisted she is not a beggar. 

Went to the "bagel" shop, where there were 2 dogs that were not service dogsz.  This is health dept. violation.

Then went for my interview for another place to live.  They were interviewing me, but stuck a swab in my mouth so i could not ask any questions for 13 minutes.  They were testing me for "drugs and ALCOHOL!"

I was blown away.  How can they test to see if i have alcohol in my system, and penalize me for that?  because the place i live now allows you to drink!  I had 2 drinks on thursday.  But just think, if i had a drink last night, i would not have qualified at the agency today for housing under their jurisdiction!

then i left there and stepped in a pile of dog shit

Went home to get my i.d. where 2 of my nieghbors were screaming at me because my room mate won't roll her garbage bin to the curb.  I have asked 4 people to help me but no one wants to.  So instead of my neighbors offering to help, they are going to report me.

Is it any wonder why i don't like most people i meet?

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Enchanted Forest.mpg

this is where i spent my 4th birthday in june 1967!

"Observing people with serious mental illness"

So, living with k. is a living hell.  As i said she has me up around the clock, the noise is ungodly and the behaviors are annoying, unpredictable and even creepy.

But, for this piece, I'm going to share some observations.  I have decided that i am not going to walk k's trash to the dumpster anymore (she is a helpless child and a slob to boot)

so i have been bagging it up and putting it out front.  She took a small indoor trash can and put it out with the trash, even though it was empty.  So, i find it very interesting that her sick brain made the connection:

she saw the trash bags i put out, so her brain knew that "trash can goes with trash!"  (reminds me of sesame street "which of these things doesn't belong!")



I was walking to the bus, and i walked past a seriously mentally ill man.  Just as i walked past, a fire engine went by and the noise was painful to my ears.  The man said to me "Shut up you stupid fucking bitch!"  He went on to cuss and complain about me even on the bus

Apparently, his brain saw me, and heard the loud noise of the fire engine at the same time, and decided that i was the one that needed to shut up!

Interesting, huh?

Friday, April 12, 2013

"A waitress i had this week"

 I was out having a drink, and the very sweet waitress who met one before said:

"We have Shmearnoff!"

I replied:  "Shmearnoff!  Are you Jewish?"

YES!  she replied.  I have one Jewish parent one Catholic parent but I am atheist!

I replied "That is my exact situation.  and i love how your linguistics gave you away so fast!

She said "I love bagels and lox and SCHMEARS!"


Whenever a meal at the soup kitchen is real good or exceptional, i tell the servers and sometimes even tell the chef.  I might say "perfecto"  or put my fingers to my lips and do the kiss insignia to express my pleasure.

Today was one of those days.  I called out hello to Jeanie* one of the diners.  A man repled:  "Hey, don't call me Jeanie!"

me-"What do you want me to call you then?!"

him_"Just don't call me late for dinner!"

me (i don't know him btw) "I KNEW you were going to say that!


There were actually 2 diners who i was talking with, neither were at my table.  One was from New Mexico, and  the other livesin the woods, Rod.

So, rod tells me that John, and he points at him is the "nicest most politest guy you will ever meet"

I repled "creative 2, he just put orange candiesin his vegetable soup"

Rod said "Hey John, I think she has a thing for you!"

me-"I can sure u if i like a boy i will be sure to let him know, i will not need an advocate because i am a world class....(and then i whispered) FLIRT!"

Rod_"Oh you are are you?"

(author's note-i think that most of us here have miserable miserable lives, but the kidding lightens the load, if only for a bit)

He starts asking folks trivia questions.  I follow up with some of my own.

me-"What is the most touristed town on route 66?"


me-"No it's Mountain Town!"

me_What is the 2nd largest county in the u.s.

diner_"Well, the first is San Bernadino........But i don't know the second!"

me-Our's i said.  although we have a rural landmass with few people it is still huge.  (the first i think is l.a.)

The diner asked me what brought me to Mountain Town.  I said, well i can't say here in front ofa group.  All i can tell you is that i sent the story to a true crime writer.

I said you know they call this poverty with a view.  But, i call it homelessness with a view.

he said that although he lives in the woods he does not consider himself homeless.  I said I'm fairly sure that most homeless people are not experiencing this as happy or joyful like you do.  He said "The earth is my home"

"Hey, haveyou seen that book about surviving the government?"

"No"  I replied. 

"Well, you know i can't stand Obama, he said.  "Obama is in the mafia"

(in social work school we learned the technique of using I messages)

Me-"I'm not really 2 comfortable sharing my viewson Obama!"

him_"I respect that"

Me-"Well it was nice meeting you and u have a good day"

him-"It was great meeting u too"


I share this anecdote with you because it is sure to make you smile!  I sat down at the table at the soup kitchen last night when one man said to the other:  "She has great knockers!"

Much to my chagrin  (wink wink  ;)   ) they were not referring to my knockers!  They were looking at pictures of women on the internet!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

war zone

The stress is unreal.  It's just like you have stuff comin' at you around the clock and it's maddening. 

I'm awake around the clock because my room mate is up 24/7 and it is Maddening.  I filled out an application for another place.  Even filling out these apps is maddening.

When I told my landlord (the one i am required to meet with weekly) about how maddening it is to be awake for 2 months he replied:

"I would think it would be a real high like an acid trip!" (he is also a "social worker")

So, this is  the kind of b.s. I deal with around the clock.

Attempts at kindness bear little fruit.  I told my room mate's sister that she can have a key and sleep over but please  help with dishes! ( my roommate doesn't ever clean or do dishes.) So, the sister stays over but never lifts a finger and even creates more dirty dishes.  i asked Liz* if she would bring the garbage bin to street because I can't get it there, she said yes, but she didn't.

No wonder she has worn out her welcome where she is formally living/and is basically homeless.

This morning my roommate was running washer and dryer (as she does almost arund the clock)  they don't work right so they are very noisy. The washer sounds like people are firing guns.  It's brand?  "silent wash"

 Running the w/d has nothing to do with whether or not she has something dirty, apparently this is some sort of ritual that sick people have.

So she puts dry clothes into the dryer and I can't take the noise.   I shut the dryer off 4x but she came and turned it right back on again.  She's too sick to be reasoned with.


Have to go to the grocery store to tell them they did not put one of my items in the bag that i can prove that I paid for.

So many battles.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

"Bringing children into poverty"

A big problem here in Mountain Town is how young the girls are when they start their families.

Melinda is a perfect example.  She had her first at 16, the father of the child was imprisoned for statutory rape because she was a minor.

That first daughter will be 7 this year and is an amzing and brilliant girl.

There is also a 2 year old

there is a 6 month old

and the 6 year old told me that Melinda will have another in July.

It's tragic because the mom says she cna't find anyone to provide birth control.  They are 7 folks ina one bedroom squalid trailer.

Dad is unemployed.  The 2 year old appears to possibly have autism, and the baby appears very depresseed.

The irony is that the mom is articulate.  She wants to pretend her life is under control but it's a joke.  Any a new baby by summer.  oyyyyyyy

"Fresh air 94 interview with Annette Funicello"

Annette's singing and acting really wasn't a part of my childhood.  I believe when she was in her heyday was a bit before my time.  Today i will go to you tube to search her mickey mouse club show.

I have some things in common with her.  She knew something was wrong with her health in 87.  I knew in about 88.

She began feeling the tingling in the hands and feet at that time.

For me the excruc pain and tingling did not start until 05.  But, this is one of the most oppressive aspects of my symptoms, because it feels like burning and throbbing and tingling.  My feet and hands don't work right.  I've told you that i feel like i have electricity runing through my body.  My skin feels like it's on fire , i will put ice packs on my skin.

Again, i have no pain medication at all which is really cruel and inhumane.  All  a part of the grand scheme to "keep everyone from becoming addicts"

If i lived in a warm place that was wheelchair friendly, i would consider ordering an electric wheelchair.  My pain and weakness keep me from being able to do the simplest of daily life activities.

Initially Annette was embarassed about her failing health and would lie to herself and others about what was going on.  She said she could not keep up with her own lies and then had to tell the truth.

She had m.s. which is extremely similar to the combination of conditions that i have.

She was smart enough to use a walker and a wheelchair.  As i have said there is no question that assistive devices would help me alot.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

"Lola"- The Kinks

I am dedicating this to the cross dressed "woman" at karaoke the other night.  You know who u are.  Long curly haired wig.  you are 6'5 with bright red vinyl boots going up over ur knees.  y were beautiful!

"If you don't have 2 kids by 21 you will die alone"

That is one of the lines in Musgrave's song.  True true true about that myth.  My minutes are about ready to run out on this computer, so when i renew I will post my story about this young poor woman who i know who keeps breeding breeding breeding.  They live in squalor.  Not fair to the children, not fair to the pets.  My next post will be about this subject.

"I photograph trash"

There was a time when i was younger and a little healthier,  that i engaged in community as well as private trash/litter pick ups. 

I am not well enough to participate in that anymore.  But i have been photographing my very polluted city, Mountain Town.

Then, today, i googled to see if there is anything on the internet about my city being so polluted.    (and yes, cigarette butts are EVERYWHERE)


I found a website called litterbug.org where one can even report pollution issues like littering they have witnessed.

An area becomes even more depressed when it's dirty.  The inhabitants don't care and it becomes a vicious cycle because it's depressing to walk past so much litter each day and because the very person who throws their McD bag on the ground will likely feel sad to have to look at their dirty city each day.

Do you care about these issues as well?

Monday, April 8, 2013

"Radio Lab/Lost and Found"

Please go to radio lab.org  lost and found  for the story on finding emilie


please check out the website for my fellow survivor


(i hope i spelled her last name right, i tried to memorize it., there is a link to her above website on radio lab.)

i have been unable to stop thinking about emilie since friday when i heard the stgory

"Running with Scissors"

2 days ago i was thinking about Augusten's "Running with Scissors"  Next day after that i see his wedding announcement in the NYT.  He married his literary agent!  Classic.  If one's literary agent, who knows everything about already can love you, well that is just perfect.

Also, i had never really recalled many gay wedding announcements.  The first couple i saw i did not know, the second was Augusten.

Roughly one third of the announcements were gay unions.

I consider my writing style to be similar to Burroughs and of course I have 2 crazy mothers to his one crazy mother  ;)

I have yet to see the movie however.

"Going out of my mind"

So, i am lucky if i have had 10 hours sleep in 2 months.  It is brutal.  My room mate is crashing around all night and burning god knows what kind of substances.

I am needing to use my inhaler and nasacort.  Even with these I am struggling to breathe.  There is no choice but to stay out from early morn until dark because she never leaves the apt.  At the moment my headache has subsided.  For the most part the combination of baths, ice packs and over the counter headache meds are useless.

She's left all sorts of dangerous and sharp items in weird places.  Made me think yesterday of "Running with Scissors"

Please see my next post on Augusten Burroughs

"The 5 seasons of mountain town"



"Unrest at the restrooms/blazing new ground!"

Today, i was at the grocery store, i had needed to use a bathroom for over an hour.  The women's room was closed and there was an elderly native woman waiting.  The custodian came out and said 5 more minutes!

I looked around, then knocked on the men's room door.  The son of the elderly native woman said, "i'll go check and see if there are any men in there"

There were not, so i asked him to block the door for me.  Immediately after 2 elderly women followed me in!  they both had  gleam in their eye as if they were breaking some rr rule for the first time  ;)

I said "We are rebels with a cause!"

Saturday, April 6, 2013

radio lab

lost and found

please go to the radio lab site to hear/see emilie's story

Michael Jackson - Beat It (Digitally Restored Version)

Three Day Yom Tov - Puff the Kosher Dragon

I literally have not heard this since i was a camp counselor at Beth Tfiloh Camp in 1986. So glad it's on you tube, but it would be nice if we could see this guy's face!

Cass elliot interview

Strong, independent woman. I wish they gave the year this was recorded.

"Karaoke bars/compare and contrast"

The spirit is willing the body is weak.  It took every ounce of my being to drag myself to karaoke on Thursday.

As always I'm thrilled that i went.  Yes, i am still in excruc.  pain, however, i am using my "god" given gift of song.  When we are using our talents and sharing our talents, in those moments life is rich!

I had been practicing and i got very exciting feedback from staff as well as patrons.

The club was well lit and classy in appearance.  Everything was on one level, and i felt perfectly safe walking away from my drink.

Staff were wonderful and friendly.  There were a group of physical therapy grad students maybe 20 or 25!  One of them was celebrating a birthday.  They invited me to sit with them , which is remarkable really!  but i felt a tad shy about being in a big group so i did not join them.  Nonetheless, nearly every song they did, they did as a group, and then asked me to join wit them! 

There was also a drag queen in attendance.  I got a great pic of him/her dancing.  She was wearing the red vinyl boots that come up over the knee, and she was very tall!

The jukebox did double duty as a karaoke machine.  Oddly, the bartender had to keep feeding the machine bills, so that we could keep singing.  Also, oddly, you would type in your selection and it would say something to the effect of "there are 250 choices!)  (None of them would be the one you wanted)

At the other place where i normally go do karaoke, you just tell the dj what u want to sing and in nearly every case he can get it.  And i learned today, that he has been hosting karaoke for 12 years!  His sidekick the sound guy has been there even longer!

You also have the opportunity to look thru a looseleaf binder of songs but the print is small and hard to see.

Where i was on thursday, nobody would get up to dance until i did the song "More more more by the andrea true connection!

Whereas my normal karaoke spot there are lots of dancers and dancing all night long.

I have to say overall, that my original spot for karaoke wins out slightly over where i went the other day.

BTW  i did

more more more
first time ever i saw your face
saturday night  by bay city rollers
angel by sara mclaughlin
and midnight blue by melissa manchester

It really is amazing how certain things can transfer me to joy no matter how horrible i usually feel!

"Day 5 Migraine"

So, by no means are the migraines the only challenge , but that is what i'm blogging about right now.  Yesterday i was forced to go to urgent care (not wanting to clog up emergency rooms which are over run with the poor)

They gave me a very painful shot in my arm.  It was the first time ever i have had an imitrex injection.  They put it in the most sensitive part of your upper arm.  I screammed out, and then i had a delayed reaction of crying.  They didn't see me crying for a while because i was in the patient room alone.

I think the physical pain and burning of the injection was a trigger to cry about everything that is happeniong in my life.  They are ill equipped to handle that of course.  So the nurse asked me if everything was ok (duh!)  Then offered me apple or orange juice.  Sort of what one might do for a little kid.

I was in the urgent care office for almost 3 hours.  What a waste of resources for medicare.  In lieu of them giving me enough medication each month, i ended up wastijng medicare dollars at urgent care.

I awoke with severe headache again today.............................................

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Top 5 Attractions, Puerto Rico (Carribean) - Travel Guide

P.R. is one of about 100 places i researched before moving to mountain town.  One of the reasons i did not move to p.r. is because i did not qualify for the homeless shelter, and that was how i knew i would have to start me life, no matter what city i moved to.

Syria before and after the war.

I know what it is like to have to flee violence.  I know what it is like to be a refugee.  I know what it is like to starve.  I know what it is like to have nowhere to run.  And this is why I am posting this video.

"Each day is the to do list from hell"

Seriously ill and largely unable to do much at all.  But every day is a grueling to do list.  I wish i could tell you the whole thing, but i really can only tell part of it.

The combination of migraines, serious illnesses, and severe sleep deprivation means i really can't get much done at all.

This is day 3 migraine.  My imitrex will not be covered until the eleventh.  On 2/14, the new doctor gave me a shot in both arms for my migraine but all it did was give me 2 sore arms.  If i go to e.r., I have to deal with them attempting to put an i.v. in me and they can never find a good vein.

As long as i'm not sleeping i can't get rid of the headache.  I have to move, but there is practically nothing for those of us on a disability income.

I use an ice pak up to 4 hours a day and transfer it from body part to body part.  It occurs to me if i freeze my entire body i won't hurt anymore.

R\ead article on m.s.  and thought, oh yes, i have all of those symptoms.

trouble walking
neurological problems
blurred vision

Vision has been extremely blurred.  Trying to get around to doctors when you don't even have a car, it really isn't happening.

My insurance covers the eye exam but not the glasses.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

"The Wire" Season 1 (playlist)

Bill Withers - Harlem - Live

"What's nice about a small town/Mountain Town"

I needed to get over to a particular shopping center to redeem my paycheck.  But, i only had a quarter instead of the .65 needed for the one way fare.

I simply showed up at the bus stop and told the driver that i was going to redeem my check, and that in an hour i would pay my full fare.

That's not a problem at all Elana, she said.

I replied "I think most everyone knows I am a woman of my word!"


Then, on the first my credit card didn't work.  The restaurant let me go to the bank to resoluve the situation.  They  said, just come back when your ready.  I said "You don't even want my phone #?"

"No, that is not necessary!" they said


today i went back to the restaurnat paid the bill, and a nice tip.  I said "I am a woman of my word"

"We know that!  In fact i told the waiter, Elana, she's good for the money!"

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Animals and Sleep/Radio Lab

a.n. equals authors note  (me!)

About 40 percent of the writing i do in my journal is notetaking from listening to npr!

It is my hope to share the notes and the shows but it is tough to keep up

On Radio lab almost 3 weeks ago they did a show on sleep.  I wasn't as interested in the animal part as the human part, and i did miss maybe the first 10 min. of the show.  But this is so so relevant since i only sleep a few minutes a night these days.

here are my notes from the show

Scaly ancestors took millions of years to close both eyes!

You have a higher risk of being killed if you sleep and are an animal  (a.n.=and true for certain humans as well!)

Enter sleep lab in Minn.

they were viewing sleep terror episodes  people have visceral dreams of being attacked.  parasomnia means around sleep

Dr. Shenk

Martin Z is a patient who beats his wife while he sleeps!


35 million americans have chronic insomnia

Steve Lima is Indiana State University

Mom's name is hannah, she made audio diary about her trouble with sleep.  At her job she had trouble speaking due to sleep deprisivation.  When her baby would not sleep people would give her stupid advice constantly/implying she is a failure at being a mom.

When she does however get her proper sleep she feels she has a great life!

Sleep deprivation keeps you angry she says (and i would have to agree!)

Hanna said "You CRAVE sleep!

Chemically what happens during sleep deprivation?  asks employyee of Univ. of PA

"You have an unfolded protein response; where Proteins are accumulating in your cells as clumps and this is toxic!

It causes your cells to break down.  Therefore sleep is a cleaner uppper (one serious problem i'm having with my roomate keeping me up around the clock is chronic migraines)


Professor of psychiatry at Madison says "Every thought we have causes new connections.  During sleep, the connections weaken

Bob Stickgold from Harvard asks Why do we dream

Matt Wilson is a neuroscientist from the dream lab.

Dreaming allows you to try new things.

In the lab after folks slept for 2 minutes, we would wake them up/that's the high point of your day (?)

Then we would let them sleep 2 hours then awaken them.  the dream is a remix of the day, the dream free associates.

You work our your problems while sleeping

Dreaming is very emotional, technicolor!

a.n .  All i can tell you is this.  Severe sleep deprivation is nothing short of torture.  All i can do right now is just go through the motions of survival.  I cannot do anything to  really bettter my life until i catch up on sleep

Monday, April 1, 2013

"Overheard cell phone conversations"

Man on bus to whoever  "So do you want to get a piece of ass?"

yelling he repeats "Do you want a piece of ass?"

again  "DO YOU WANT TO POP A CHERRY?"  he screams even louder


today i overheard the same "conversation" in 2 different offices, receptionists discussing their private lives in a way that everybody can hear.

"yeah he was throwing up and throwing up"

library receptionist  private conversation "YEAH HE WAS THROWIN' UP ALL NIGHT!"

(there was a hilarious skit on prairie home companion last night that took place in nyc.  in the skit folks are yelling at this guy with a new york accent who is screaming into his cell phone in a cafe.  check it out)