what TV family would you be born in to

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his is this question is for anybody who wants to answer it but it is especially for people who were born in the families that they regret that they were born into

Here are the top families I would love to be born into and then after I list them I will explain why I picked these

#1 I would be born into the Ingalls family I would be Laura Ingalls. Now that's excluding the fact that she at some point also got afflicted with blindness it wasn't just your sister Mary. I picked this family because of all of the love and support that the parents gave, and the fact that there were no car so it was quiet and peaceful and they got to eat dinner together every nighT

#2 I would be born into the Walton family I would be one of the kids either the littlest girl or one of two teen girls. Why do I say that because of the loving parents and because of how wonderful it would be to have siblings and share dinner together every night and lots of fun , actual l childhood .who cares about the poverty, you're actually very well see if you're born into a big loving family

#3 I would be born into the Brady family any of the girls. Because they have so much fun together and their parents love them so much and They eat dinner together every night .

# 4 the Kardashian family. Because I would love to have the experience of never having to worry about money and because of all of the love that they have in that family and all the fun they have together, it's not their appearance that I envy or feel jealous of it's just a fact that they will never ever have to worry about money , can live in whatever neighborhood they want whatever beautiful home they want and have the means to travel wherever they want and eat amazing healthy tasty meals and never go hungry

the 1967 photo of me on my blog site

one  thing that I absolutely do miss about Maryland that I don't have here in the Southwest is all the beautiful blossoming trees and flowers so much color, the cherry blossoms, apple blossoms we have some of those but we don't have mirror the color that the state of Maryland House. So I do sometimes like looking at the 1967 photo because I love those trees. I know we had a weeping willow? We had one of those in the backyard as well and gorgeous gorgeous that was in the house that I lived in, that unfortunately mother insisted to my father that we leave that house and move into a bigger house and that's what we did in 1969, then in 75 my parents lost the house and my personal quality of life went down significantly. And that of course has been true ever since. But this post is primarily to tell you how much I miss the beautiful colors of the east coast in the spring, I do not miss the mosquitoes Orthe humidity

it would be awesome to tour Europe

Despite my diseasesand disabilities I would consider touring Europe if I had the means. but I would absolutely use a power wheelchair.I am watching Travel Channel breaking borders about life in Ireland.

About a year or two ago I was watching a documentary that showed how this one guy I think a quadriplegic was touring the world and how the airlines were helping him with his disabilities and how he managed to see the whole world even though he was in a wheelchair, so I know with proper planning traveling with disabilities is some absolutely possible.

I obviously I don't even have the money to live day to day but certainly if I did I'm 22 years overdue for a vacation.

I am going to attempt to provide you with a link to the show that I'm watching.

If I actually owned a computer you would be able to see me actually post the video on the my blog site but I do not know how to do that with my smartphone.

Www.Travelchannel.coM/breakingborders

"get a taste of Ireland"

quote of the day

L

aw and Order SVU the episode is entitled behave

my quote of the day, Mariska Hargitay tells the rapisT "you're my bitch now"

by the way I have a great deal in common with the victim in the story whose name is Vicki. My own story line matches hers in many many ways but I can't go into the details on the blog I have to save that for the book and or for ID true crime channel

Dick Wolf presents Law and Order SVU

Ive Been watching Dexter back episodes of Law and Order SVU introduced by producer Dick Wolf. He introduces each episode this is absolutely incredible I cannot turn off the TV. I'm bedridden anyway by pain so I might as well go ahead and watch this

Here's one possible link for yOu

Www.locatetv.com/law-and-order-special

what's up hot Lanta

Beauty shop with Queen Latifah I didn't see the entire movie but I did see most of it. When her little 12 year old girl walked onto the stage ready to perform on the piano the tears just started pouring down my face and I knew that everything was going to work it out

En.m.wIkipedia.org/wiki/beauty_shop

teen combats cyber bullying

Www.thebeoneproject.org

Great guy wonderfully talented

https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=webhp&tbm=isch&source=hp&ei=yBYWVZeWKYLcoASd54Jo&q=musician+Dennis+Lea+s&oq=musician+Dennis+Lea+s&gs_l=mobile-gws-hp.12...18745.25004.0.27701.7.6.0.1.1.0.228.709.0j3j1.4.0.msedr...0...1c.1.64.mobile-gws-hp..5.2.383.0.pKLL_8szqqs#imgrc=v7MG9C76QCPWnM%253A%3BNBGGSnYaBBbBVM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.medicinedogband.com%252Fuploads%252F1%252F3%252F7%252F6%252F13760717%252F7057645.png%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.medicinedogband.com%252Fband-bios.html%3B250%3B219

so you want to be my facebook friend

do you confirm yes to absolutely everybody who wants to be your Facebook friend? I confirm extremely few men because of the fact that I feel it over the internet internet you can never be too careful. The only men that I will friend are men who I share a minimum of 150 friends with.

If your profile picture is of your pet rat I am very unlikely to friend you, I am also very unlikely to friend you if you are a tree. I want to see your face it's easier to connect with the so-called stranger if I had some idea of what you look like.

I stopped friending most people from foreign countries where English is not the first language.

unless you are in one of my Facebook support groups I'm not very likely to friend you. Nadine from 10th grade has made 3 attempts to friend me. Yesterday I said to her why why do you want to be my friend? You didn't want to be my friend then why now?

I asked to similar question of carry from 9th grade. What I'm finding is that most of these folks don't want an intimate dialogue with me but they still want to superficially friend me, no thanks

if they lie to themselves they can survive in that place

I have been passively as well as actively looking into moving into a particular town in Arizona for nearly 4 years. I have heard nothing but wonderful things about this town, hearsay.

But when I did my official research on the internet under crime data boy was I shocked. It claimed that the town is only safer than 2 percent of American cities of all sizes! What the f***?

So in that regard it's like thepeople of Baltimore, the people of Baltimore lie to themselves try to convince themselves that Baltimore safe it's the only way they can stand living there.

for as drawn as I am to the climate after reading about the crime data and speaking to my brand new friend Nicole 19, she lives near the college very near the college and just two months ago her entire home was ransacked everything of value to her everything irreplaceable was stolen.of course if I were independently wealthy like most people my age that I know I could pick some very safe suburban area to live in but that ain't gonna happen in my lifetime

If I had a brain in my head I would have remained in Australia and not come back to the United States like my ex was smart enough to do

Tommy Tutone - 867-5309/Jenny

Gary Numan - Cars

Gary Numan - Cars

Dead Or Alive - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

PAT BENATAR - Hell Is for Children (live 1980)

Suzanne Vega - Luka

"The verdict is in"

The caseworker yesterday, erroneously told me that the only way for me to find out what my monthly food stamp allotment will be is to wait for a letter to come in the mail!

But I knew that, there are 3 phone #'s on the back of the ebt card.  I tried 2 of them, and you are never going to believe this.

I have been awarded .33 a day!  That comes to 10 dollars a month!

Melinda asked me the last time when I was getting the 15 a month why don't I just appeal!  I waited a whole year to go in there, and I only went in because I have been forced to go to the mission for dinner and only about 10% of the time is the food pallatible enough (to my tongue) to be able to eat it.

Today, I went to the grocery store and treated myself to a Bolthouse farms mocha cappuccino ($3) and a banana.  I have enough for a loaf of potato bread and 100% peanut butter as long as I buy the store brand (Kroger) which is quite good.

I told the cashier I get .33 a day.  I said, if you had .33 a day to "blow" on food, what would you blow it on?  He was stumped.

Then, they ask you if you are "playing monopoly"

I replied I've never been a gambler but maybe it's time to start!

I used to get 15 dollars a month in food stamps

when th ey sent me a letter saying that it had been discontinued I waited a whole year to go back. I figured looking at all the time and energy and stress involved in going why bother for just $15 a month.

Last week I had to make two trips there this week I had to make one trip there total wait time of 8 hours and 4 hours gathering documents.

And what allotment did they give me this time? $10 a month, might as well save it up for a whole year and then throw a party with the money that I made, It's aninsult and its degrading

internet spying on my paternal biological family

so I was internet spying I started out spying on my biological father vaya Google. Wouldn't you know he won some kind of prestigious award and was written up in a magazine today. If only they knew his true colors

Mommy dearest

Mommie Dearest - Trailer: https://youtu.be/_WQeu5qnVc4

Christina Crawford

Christina Crawford, Author of "Mommie Dearest", Interview with Bill Boggs: https://youtu.be/L9t7AEfwBzY

The mistake that Bill made and the mistake that many interviewers make is that they talk way too much. He should just be quiet for a while and really listen

Billy Preston

Billy Preston - 'Round in Circles - Midnight Special 1973 HQ: https://youtu.be/LDehYXKI31g

second visit to food stamp office

I have procrastinated coming to the Food Stamp office for a whole year. They disqualified me they discontinued my food stamps about a year ago, I was getting 15 dollars a month from them. When you measure the hassle and the time that it takes to get all the documentation together its not even worth it for $15 a month.

I made two calls earlier today trying to get through a food stamp worker but no luck getting an actual human being, I was attempting to get another case worker assigned to me. The last case worker tried to grab papers out of my hands I held on with a death grip so she pulled and pulled and pulled until she succeeded in yanking them out of my hands. She informed me that I would no longer be getting my SSDI check for $36. I said well why not and she said well that's what it says on my computer screen but I can't give you a reason. I was really pissed off so I called the disability office today to find out why I will no longer be getting SSDI the worker said to me who told you that that's not true.

today I arrived at the case at the Food Stamp office at 1:45 p.m., I will probably have to wait until 5 p.m. because I do not know where my old food stamp card is.

When I arrived here I asked for a new case worker, I was told that I can't request that in advance I just have to see who calls me and then at that time if it turns out to be the same girl I would have to request another person.

The case worker who called me was a different person, also pretty unimpressive. He had no idea what my case file number is. I said I've got all the documentation that you've asked for me, he said well I don't know what documentation we asked of you!!!

I handed him everything that the last case worker had asked me for and more. When we were all done with the appointment he didn't tell me how much money I'll be getting, I told him that I have two cans of soup and spaghetti at home and I have $1 to last me for 10 days.

I went back up to the counter and I said sorry I forgot to ask you how much will I be getting each month. He said we are not permitted to release that information to you verbally! You are going to have to wait until you get a letter from us in the mail at that time you will know if you've been awarded stamps and how much you will get

There is a morbidly obese five year old child with a cough of death. Her mother can't control her, her mother is so busy texting that she didn't notice that the girl hold the pink fluorescent tape off of the broken switch and then she turned the deadbolt unlocked all the clients out!

She cried and whined for 2 hours she then began toppling over chairs the mother could not stop her. The case worker s the mother what kind of work do you do the mother replied I take care of developmentally disabled adults! no surprise really in the past when I've seen workers so-called caring for people with disabilities I wondered if they pull these employees out of the gutter. How can this mother possibly care for the developmentally disabled when she can't even care for her own five year old child

I can get away with things and mountain town that I would never be able to get away with in Baltimore. If I should correct an African American child in a Baltimore City Food Stamp office the mother would probably shoot me in the head, but here in mountain town if a child is causing danger or putting themselves in danger or toppling chairs over in the Food Stamp office I'm not afraid to correct the child. Of course the children always listen to strangers when they won't listen to their own parents so I did tell the little girl that it is not acceptable for her to topple chairs over, she never toppled another chair over for the time remaining and now she's just finally left the Food Stamp office. I have been asked to wait until the office closes because I don't know where my old food stamp card is so I'm going to have to wait if I want another one today

Hootie and the Blowfish

Hootie And The Blowfish - Let Her Cry (Video): https://youtu.be/1aVHLL5egRY

huge dilemma very worrisome

I have a huge problem that I have had for more than 10 years. A problem that became particularly pronounced in June 2005. with my history of being a crime victim, violent or not; how on earth can I live in a safe apartment?

I have been researching and worrying about this ad infinitum. I was looking into apartment home security systems through Google's evening. the place I live now and I have been here for 2 years as compared to every place that I have lived in the last 21 years is relatively safe. Very safe. but I still take a lot of precautions and I still have reason to worry.

For one thing home security systems are very expensive when you consider the fact that if you are like me and you do not have or qualify for a credit card you are required to pay for the entire security system up front let's say ADT for example.

The other enormous worried that I have is the fact that numerous maintenance men have a key to my apartment.

The majority of the break ins from 2005 to 2009 and I was broken into nearly every day for that for years were break-ins by the maintenance men.

What kind of security system could actually work with all these strangers these maintenance men who have a key. Every single solitary person who is ever gotten into my apartments and motel rooms over the last 21 years they got in without forced entry. wouldn't that lead you to believe that the most likely suspects or the maintenance men, people who have a key? I have not given the key to anyone and in the two years I've been here and like I said this is the safest place I've ever lived, they've been in here about 7 or 8 times. I have discovered some things missing that were extremely valuable to me and irreplaceable but not high ticket items.

I was only out of the house last night for two and a half hours, when I got back my door was unlocked.

7 weeks ago and that particular day I did have an officer come out/I got back home and not only was my door unlocked but it was wide open. if a burglar stole underwear for example that's not something that I would notice right away although unfortunately over the years I have been forced to do constant tallies of absolutely everything that I own.

When I lived in Walker Muse in Baltimore and Ridgely house in Carroll County some of the things that were taken were of high value and some nut but the main thing is that the burglars want you to know that they are in control it's not necessarily always about taking high ticket items but it's about them controlling you controlling your mind, making you think and worry and wonder if you're going crazy because you know that you left a particular item in a particular place and that's the same place you always have the item and perhaps it's been move to another room and thrown on the floor.

If any of you have any ideas on the best apartment security and least expensive that would actually be valuable even given the fact that maintenance men have the key, please do leave your comments for me. Thank you

Sesame Street gang

You never are too old for Sesame Street

Correction to my post about mommy dearest

That was supposed to say the spare room in mommy dearest my own adoptive mothers house was filled with mink coats just like just like Joan Crawford and that is part of the reason why there was no money for college for me

quote of the day

we better call the front desk to TV only has four channels and no MTV!

National Lampoon European vacation

PAC 12 Women's Gymnastics Championships

Incredibly beautiful art form

Pack 12 women's gymnastics championship

Love women's gymnastics

Well she was adopted like me the parallels between Christina's life with Joan Crawford and my life with Helen Schneider who adopted me are absolutely mind bending. I received very little in the way of physical abuse but my mother was an alcoholic and stole all the money out of my bank account so that when I turned 18 I would have nothing left. my own mommy dearest dressed just like Joan Crawford but wouldn't spend any money on clothes for me. Don't get me wrong I always had close but never in a million years would she have spent money on me like she did on her self. My very first boyfriend looked in the spare room of our house and he said oh my god this entire room is filled with milk first yet your parents will not give you a penny for college. as a result I was forced to cut off contact with my own mommy dearest at the age of 26 and I have never looked back

Mommie Dearest, 1981 - Trailer: https://youtu.be/EliGqYkFUyY

Mommy dearest

I just found out that there is a movie called mommy dearest I just turned it on a few minutes ago of course it is about Joan Crawford. I had my own mommy dearest and going to watch this to the end because I know how similar it is to the way my own adoptive mother raised me. Here is the shot of Christina the daughter being forced to make a drink for her mommy dearest

Spring has sprung

Walking through spring time

Let her cry

Hootie And The Blowfish - Let Her Cry (Video): https://youtu.be/1aVHLL5egRY

Isn't it ironic

Alanis Morissette - Ironic (Video): https://youtu.be/Jne9t8sHpUc

I wonder what became of her

Edie Brickell & New Bohemians - What I Am: https://youtu.be/tDl3bdE3YQA

I'm doing an experiment

I am no longer able to post YouTube music videos onto my blog using my smartphone. So I'm doing an experiment I'm going into the blog first rather than going in to YouTube first to see if I can attach a music video that way.https://www.youtube.com/suzannevega-luca

Beautiful synchronicity

I had the radio on and the song that was playing was about child abuse its called hell is for children, the car in front of me has a license plate that says it shouldn't hurt to be a child! so in this photo I've taken a picture of the license plate sorry it isn't a little bigger

My friend jim performing

I went to my very first ever mountain town folk society monthly concert and was very surprised that the first test is always an open mic. If I had known that I would have worked something up, maybe next time. Any help the person who performed the main performer was named Matt hall and he was quite talented with playing three different instruments and a beautiful singing voice but the best part was talking to him after the show and finding out that he was on his way to Baltimore because most of his family live there even though he grew up in Delaware.

I have a great deal in common with Kevin Greene

I have a great deal in common with Kevin green and all the Kevin greens in the world. Kevin Greene was wrongly convicted of his wife's murder and spent 16 years in prison. I keep hearing more and more of these cases people spending decades in prison and they didn't do anything wrong.

The reason why I can so strongly relate to Kevin green and the others who go to prison is because poverty and homelessness and living amongst violent criminals is a lot like being in prison, because it is not the life that I never chose or imagined for myself. And since this country hasn't given poor people a way and honest way to get out of poverty or to get out of there dangerous neighborhoods it really is like being in prison.

I know one of the guys today in my facebook depression support group said that his depression and loneliness feels like he's in his own prison, so there's all sorts of life circumstances that can make a person feel imprisoned.

Amazingly Kevin Greene doesn't seem bitter and was lucky enough to be able to remarry but no amount of money can give you your life back give him his life back or give me my lost 21 years back.

life is mostly just one big to do list

there's a lot that I plan to share with you there's a lot that I need to catch you up on. Between the crushing fatigue of the fibromyalgia the nerve tendon and joint pain from the Lyme disease the daily migraines the severe back pain its all I can do to get out of bed and face my life. I haven't been functioning at a very high level, on the other hand given my body the way it is I get a relative high amount of things done.

I went to the Food Stamp office and I will blog about that another time it was a horrible experience with a five hour wait my clerk was very rude and grab the papers out of my hand! The next time I go back cuz they want me to come back I'm going to request another case worker I've got $1 a day to last for 2 weeks, I tried to go to the Food Center the rescue mission to eat but most of the time I can't stand the food so that's not really a good option.

I also had a consult with the breast surgeon and he was a real a****** and very disrespectful of me, some doctors resent it when you tell them that you have been studying up about your condition, they resent and educated woman. The bottom line is I still do not know if I have breast cancer or not and I am supposed to be meeting with another breast breast cancer console surgeon. All I can say is oYy vey!

sociopaths and psychopaths

I had! to share this with you, they just defined the words sociopath and psychopath on one of my favorite shows called Forensic Files a true crime show. It absolutely blew me away. Because even though I had heard the definitions before what struck me was the following, in my first year to 2 years here in mountain town it seem like every man that I met had some sort of criminal history. In some cases it was something that I just suspected but that the men did not actually admit to me.

There was a guy who was very interested in me and initially I was interested in him as well. We got together maybe 3 times total and I worked up the guts to tell him what I thought of him and I defined his behavior word for word and it identically matched the definitions given first sight sociopath and psychopath!

I told him that for you Jimmy every human being you meet male or female is just an object to you and they are only of interest to you if they can help you advance your own position in life you really don't care about anybody but yourself. I was shocked that I had the guts to tell him exactly what I thought about him...

Girls trust your instincts I don't care how handsome and intelligent these guys are many of them are bad news so trust your gut and don't give in to your sexual desires if you have red flags about A man

this is life with Lisa Ling

this is the fourth episode in a row. I am loving this. The episode I'm watching right now is on the drug aya JuAsCA. people who have had life experiences very similar to my own, are very desperate and travel to South America to try this drug and to be under the auspices of the shaman in hopes that they can have a normal life again. I doubt that the drug is going to give them a normal life, and as we see here on the documentary some will die from taking it, but the relationships that they build while they are here at the camp, and the people that they need and the conversations that they are having are very much like group therapy so I can see that that would help. But I think it's unlikely that attend a trip that was supposed to say a 10 day trip to a foreign country will change their lives in any sort of substantial way.

born in the wild mother Linda king

in the first maybe 10 minutes of the show my thinking was well I don't see why not? What's wrong with giving birth in the wild if that is indeed the way our ancestors used to do it. I initially was thinking about how similar I was to Linda when I was in my early or pardon me when I was in my late twenties. I was definitely adventurous and probably would have considered the same thing.

But when the tent came down and the winds picked up and they weren't getting any sleep and they were both miserable I was shocked that she gave up and wanted to go home.

It's understandable that she would want to be rested and comfortable but I was still shocked that she went home.

When she insisted that her husband drag her back to the campsite to give birth that's when I thought that she was being unfair. They are both driving up there he speeding he has one hand on the wheel he's distracted and he is endangering other people on the road. She is putting him through so much stress he does not want to be the one to have to deliver the baby, yeah so after maybe the first 10 minutes of the show as far far as I was concerned the show really went south and I quickly realized all of the challenges that are presented with having your child in the wild.

my connection to the true crime case just aired on Vanity Fair confidential

LSnda'.ps the serial killer John Robinson case. midway through the 1 hour long Vanity Fair confidential presentation I saw an old photo of him and it hit me, he is the man who murdered a young woman who I met on a couple of occasions when I went to Purdue.

I was forced to move back to Indiana in 2005 because I didn't have any shelter in Maryland, pardon me I was forced to move back there in 2003. I'm not going to use the real name of this young lady because I want to protect her, but I will use the real real name of the lady that got killed.

So when I got out to Indiana my friend Linda told me that Isabella had been murdered. Linda explained that Isabella was really into S&M and John Robinson learnt her out to Missouri with the idea that she could live with him. Isabella was an amazing artist I actually saw a mural that she did on a Indiana church that is quite incredible, she did the mural about a year before she was murdered.

So linda was very very good friends with Isabella and Isabella ignored Linda'S Pleas.

Isabella was never mentioned in this vanity Fair confidential show by name, but at the very end of the show they scroll a list of names of people that he confessed to have killed. For a split second I was able to see Isabella's name on the list.

Linda was required to take part in the trial because of the fact that she was such good friends with Isabell, I assume this is why she was required to take part in the court trial.

I first read about Isabella's case more than 10 years ago in a book that was entitled anyone that you want me to be. about people who pretend to be someone else on the Internet so that they can lure and kill.

I hate monster trucks I hate for by fours

The mission

The mission has served free dinner everyday but once for the last 25 years! I have never seen such a well-run and successful operation in any community that I have ever lived in

four part series the history of water

Www.pivot.tv/schedule

then search for the documentary entitled the history of water it is a four part series 4 hours in total but then much shorter than that when you account for the commercial

Child play

Child plays in the snow down by the river

Today

4 days of rain and snow created this masterpiece. Downtown mountain town.

Looking back at 2/9/2005

Perrin Street
Lafayette, Indiana

moved in on 2/4/05

Laura lent me her car since mine is broken down.  Nobody has ever lent there car to me thus far in my life.  Just for the one night.  I was in good spirits even though I was in a tiny and toxic efficiency in a 100 year old home.  (turns out no heat in winter just air conditioning and we can't control it.

The night Laura lent me her car, I touched the turn signal to go left and the entire thing fell off.  Next morning when I showed up at the new place with a car full of belongings it had just snowed a few feet.  There were no warning signs prohibiting people from parkoing anywere on the street whatsoever.

In the a.m. when I came out to unload the car, (after having been up all night because of no heat) the police were towing the car away!  )  They claimed I was illegally parked.  I knew I could prove in court that they illegally towed me but now, I have court fees, towing fees, repair fees for my own car rent and food and my disability check is about 300 month.

So Laura is pissed, even though I took multiple photos  of the road proving I had not broken a law.

Now I have no way of completing my move.  I had to hitchhike back to the old place.  Ever tried to move all your stuff alone with no car?

2/9/05

Laura refused to accept reimbursement but won't hang out with me anymore either.  Woek up every 90 min. last night due to the migraine and being so cold.  The air in my apt. is so toxic.  Is the pilot light out on the stove?  No.  Perhaps the oven pilot is out? No.

2/10/05

After a huge ordeal I qualify for something called Care a Van.  I'm trying to get my car back, send out resumes, get Laura reimbursed, get to the grocerty store.  Not even my storm windows will open.  Struggle from sunrise to sundown. 

Here is my letter to Aaron (at this point I do not know that he inherited millions of dollars, he works a minimum wage job)    Dear Aaron,

My mechanic wants $300 for my first repair payment which he says is due on 2/18.  II'm desperately trying to get my car back so I can increase my chances at gaining employment.  If you cover $250 by 2/18 I'll pay you back a minimum of 25 dollars per month until I am paid in full.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter

E. Snyder

2/12/05

My apt. is making me very ill.  I wheeze and have chest pain and cough constantly.  It's much filthier then I originally noticed.  (Very unethical to landlords to rent out places that have not been professionally cleaned but this is all I can afford)

The high kitchen cupboards are covered with animal fur and dust.  The venetian blinds are dirty filthy.  The walls and ceilings are covered with dust dirt and spider webs.

The stove and cupboareds/counter feel greasy to the touch.

The only way to get the kitchen windown open I am forced to move the entire stove and counters out of the way.  In the meantime try not to get splintered opening the wood windows.  There are loose paint chips in all of the window sills.  I just spent 24 hours with migraine and vomiting.  What's causing this? the house? the neighbor's smoking then spraying deodorizer?  the fur and dirt?

Now when I cough, it aggravates my chest pain.  I can breathe better when I'm not at home.  I needed coffee but had to walk the 2 miles as baby steps because Lafayette is covered in sheets of ice.  I'm very weak.  My eyes are tearing and burning as I make this recording

Do I need to "go homeless" in order to afford to repair the car?  I hope not.

The 6 a.m. church bell is ringing so the air conditioning shut off and a tiny bit of heat just came on.  Maybe I can get a few minutes sleep.

documentary special long lost family

I just  watched a special on The Learning Channel and titled long lost family. To investigators help three adoptees find their biological families. All three situations had a very positive outcome

Despite the fact that neither my biological mother nor my biological father want a relationship with me, I have to say the following: if I had to choose the five happiest days of my lice, two of them would involve my biological family.

One of the five happiest days was the day that I met my birth mother, the second of my five happiest days was today in June 1989 when my birth mother arranged a small Reunion where I met my half sister, my birth mother's husband, one of my aunts, and my maternal grandmother. My partner bill was with me.

That was and still to this day was the only family reunion I have ever experienced in my lifetime.shortly after meeting everybody I moved to Indiana with Bill. Any effort to stay in touch with birth mother was solely my own effort. None of the others ever reached out to me again. I guess my only regret would be that in retrospect I would have started a pen pal relationship with my maternal aunt as well as my maternal grandmother.

But why should I be the only one making the effort? None of them ever contacted me again except I did see my birth mother a few more times. I saw my sister two more times, she does not want a relationship with me.

I said hello to my niece on Facebook last week she doesn't I don't know if she knows whether or not I exist so I just said a couple of sentences and she elected not to respond so I will not contact her again.

The point of the post was to tell you about the documentary and also to tell you that despite the fact that I would describe my situation is not having any family at all so still were some of the best two days of my life

Second hand store bling

A little bit of bling

Beautiful things at the second hand shop

Aren't these sandals gorgeous? I got hooked on second hand shopping back in 1990 when my partner and I moved to Indiana and we live right next door to the goodwill. I got these at savers for just $4 and I felt like showing them off to you :-)

"looking back at February 9th 1996"

I just fled to Ingrid's home.

 I called around to different churches to let them know that I was in a very dangerous situation staying in someone's home named jack. Jack is an Orthodox Jew with a violent temper and whenever I brought food into the house that he deemed was not kosher he would get really angry and he would blow up at me and order  me to throw the food out!

He obviously has serious mental illness and told me (and demonstrated) how he stalks women so I was scared of him and I have been actively planning my escape.

I decided to contact the Unitarian Church in Baltimore City. The the pastor make an announcement about" woman in danger needs room to rent" even if on a temporary basis .so Ingrid responded but said that it would be on a month to month basis

. It is a very hellish situation here as well because she stays up till 2 a.m. blasting NPR.

Then she's back up at six a.m.when her dogs start barking.

 I am having excruciating paralyzing back pain( that I do not yet know is fibromyalgia)

. She keeps the heat off in the winter so that aggravates my problem.I feel lonely in her environment it is most certainly not a home.

 she wants me to hurry up and get out as quickly as I can. I have very little income and no transportation.

It's ironic I am standing in front of the Sony theater and observing a group of developmentally disabled adults who just left theater.( I'm pretty certain they were they are with the organization Chimes who I once worked for and they jipped me out of thousands of dollars worth of wages in 1995)

I called Chris to see if he would like to go to the patches and Liz coffee house tomorrow night but he hasn't returned my call. if he doesn't  return my call by late tonight then I'll have to ask someone else. it's a ordeal huge ordeal to get out there with no vehicle.

Usually as soon as I leave the house in Baltimore I notice violence.  There was a lady in the 7-Eleven in Hampden who had a black eye she is a junkie and told me that she had been punched out by her boyfriend.

 Later I went to  Hopkins University because I needed to go through the Blue Book of colleges and find out which universities offer a Masters in Social Work. (At least if I were able to go back to college I would have some sense of stability in my life) the security guard at the college told me that if I don't show him my drivers license he'll beat me over the head with a baseball bat!!!  his idea of humor and I was truly not amused!

Just another example of America's culture of violence as far as I'm concerned.

The pastor from u.u. church called today to ask me how I was doing?   she offered me a $100 loan from the church kitty. Quite frankly I'm so goddamn  sick of my whole life having to be a damn emergency.

 I wanted to go to support group tonight in Catonsville at 6 p.m. But I didn't have any safe mode of night time transportation...