Saturday, March 30, 2013

"Female Hitchiking"

So today was one of the most awkward rides i've had.  But it's worth it.  If you compare it to the stress of being hit on by a drunk man earlier today on the bus, i'd rather have the stress of hitchin.

I told the lady i was going west.  She said, well we are but we are only going downtown.  I said, that is where i'm going.  She hesitated so i said:  "It's fine to say no to me!"

"She said, well ok but you'll have to ride in the front.  Very expensive car very cushy.  The entire trip took 5 minutes.

They asked me where i'm going and when i told them they  repeated it as if it were unbelievable.

But it hurts to walk, and i'm probably particularly weak because i've been so many days without sleep, so i'm grateful for the ride as it saves me a boatload of walking time, and the stressors of Mountain Town's extremely pedestrian unfriendly sidewalks.

"Mountain Town Suicide"

Suicide by throwing yourself in front of the train, most literally, is a popular suicide method in this town.  Likely because it doesn't cost the victim any up front costs.  (like buying a gun)

He did not die immediately, they tried to revivie him and he died in hospital.  Personally, as a dues expired member of the right to die networks, i feel they should have left him in peace.  He made the decision that he didn't want to be on the planet anymore and it is unfair for others to force him to live against his will.

It may be blunt, but it is my deeply held belief.

They did not release his name, on NPR, but i will check the local paper.  If there is a picture chances are i have seen him or met him, because i "know" most of the poor and chances are strong that he was.

Feeling a bit melancholy about the loss of his life.

Friday, March 29, 2013

"Livin' on 630 a month"

So, lsince the 14th it has been hand to mouth living.  That's when i ran out of cash.  So today for example, i walked 1/2 mile to the bus stop, then arrived at the bank 15 min. later where i went in and poured myself some delicious coffee on the house.  yesterday when i did that i was acknowledged my 3 different employees which i found to be a drag.  But i do need coffee, so i went back today but instead of staying indoors to drink it i just took it outside and waited another 1/2 hour for bus.

Took bus to the mission and arrived 40 min. early.  I have to stay 3/4 block away from the mission and talk to nobody b ecause everybody smokes and i can't take it.

Luckily they let ladies go first, so i don't have to worry about my inability to stand for very long.  Lunch was amazingly good today, grilled cheese sandwiches and soup.

During lunch we heard alot of sirens.  Rumor has it that someone committed suicide by running in front of the train.

It took me 2 hours to get to the library since due to my disabilities there was no other way to get to the library.

One of the mission patrons yelled "hey who wants to come see the dead guy?"

Things at home are deplorable with my smi roomate.  She set off the smoke alarm 2x in one hour last night.  She climbs on the dryer to turn it off.

I'm always waiting for the next disaster.  She is up all night, and very noisy, so i'm up around the clock too.

The director is looking for a solutin but hasn't found one yet,,,,,so i have no choice but to look to move yet again.

In an hour i will get on the bus to go to the soup kitchen for dinner.  I hate going there but there is no other choice.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Elton John - Someone Saved My Life Tonight (solo live 1976)

I got strongly into piano playing until about the age of 28

"Don't go breakin' my heart"

I'll tell you, it really does break my heart to see so much child abuse and neglect ona daily basis.  I'm sure there are multiple reasons for that.  The breaking point for me, and the deciding factor in my cutting of contact with my adoptive parents, was the way they were treating a little boy named billy at Christmas 1990.

They were so abusive to him, just like they had been to me.  I thought, no i can't do this anymore.

Today, a 4 year old on the bus begged his mother, repeated over and over:  "mommy please help me"

She couldn't hear him!  She had earbuds in and she was texting and she NEVER LOOKED AT HIM!

Eventually a male, presumably the father, helped the boy with the map he was holding.  Does this neglect break your heart too?

"Heard it on NPR"

The mayor of New York (bloomberg?) is pleased at the results of a ten year old smoking ban in bars and restaurants.  And so am i.

One of the key reasons I barely ever walked into a club until my late 40's is because of my allergy to cigarettes.  I always felt i was missing some cool stuff and indeed i was.

The mayor states that life expectancy increased in N.Y. and that may be true.  He feels there is a link between the ban and people living longer.  Perhaps that's true.  Either way, the more indoor places that cigarettes are banned the more welcome us non smokers feel.

And we enjoy breathing.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013


Sly and the Family Stone "Hot Fun in the Summertime" Wanna take u Higher"


The O'Jays - Love Train (1972 Audio Redone By Dj Cole)

"Award for most out of control child"

last weekend i was in the starbucks with the family from hell.  Two parents on computers, texting, etc. and 2 boys.  One boy was 12 and the other 7.

the mother went to her car to get something.  The youngest boy karate kicked a basket of items that where suspended from the dairy case.  The items flew out of the case and remarkably back into the basket.  Nobody noticed but me.

Then, he closed his eyes and crashed into the displays.  yelling, i'm blind, can you hear me can you hear me.  Nobody noticed but me.

Mother is back, father is now in the store.  The boy climbs up into the windowsill and starts scooting along the windowsill behind the black curtains just scooting and scooting nobody stopped him.  Then he stood in the windowsill and smooshed his nose on the glass and rubbed it across the window.  He then went on to lick the windows.  Again no intervention.

He stood up in the windowsill, walked along in managing to stay behind the black curtain.

At this point my concern is that he'll lose his balance and go smashing through the glass to the outside, but nobody sees him or cares but me.

I finally point the behavior out to a barista, but she seemed annoyed that i brought it to her attention.  After about 5 minutes, another barista told him he wasn't allowed to climb in the windowsills!

All i can say is

I am still capable of being shocked.

Michael Jackson - Beat it (live rehearsal) this is it - HD

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (Detroit MI, November 1983)

"It takes a village to raise a child"

It's always a very tough call.  When is is appropriate for me to get involved when parents are being grossly negligent.

There have been three recent incidents where i knew i had to do something.  Well, 2 where i had to, and one where i wanted to.

The first incident was a want to.  A mother on the bus forbade her 3 year old daughter from going to the playground just because she lost her hair clip.  I was tortured about it, the girl started crying.  After a grueling 5 to 10 minutes, i was ready to disembark.  I quietly said "Mommy, please let your daughter go to the playground!"  (it was an exceptionally good day to play outside) she laughed , probably out of embarassment, then said "but she lost her hairclip!"

incident 2

A 3 yo boy was in the street where the bus easily would have pulled out and run him over.  The grandmother did not even notice.  I told the boy he needed to go to the sidewalk.

Incident 3 was today.  The 3 yo boy was with his always oblivious 2 parents on the bus.  The boy climbed behind the seat to lay on the wheel well!  The parents did nothing.  I waited , waited , waited.  About 2 minutes before the driver was due to pull off, i went up to him to alert him of the situation.  He told the boy that theboy needed to move, but he did not demand the boy sit in a seat. 

This made the mom angry at me well tough sh#$%

Like obama said when he went to new town connecticut:


Monday, March 25, 2013

"The 14 million Americans on ssi/disability"

So, apparently npr is doing a series on the subject of disability income, life on disability.  Hannah Jaffe W. is in Hale County Alabama (i heard much but not all of the broadcast)

The growth of the program is very very fast.  Every 15 years there is a double in the # of people collecting disability.  Currently there are 250,000 Americans applying for it every month.  It's a more appealing life then 35 hours a week working the minimum wage.  Because you get the health benefits.

It was noted that all of hale county's yard sales were held on the first or on the third of the month.  1/4 of people in H. County are on disability.  That being said, people know that since that's when everyone gets their check they go ahead and put their stuff out.

It's common for people to ask recipients what their disability is.  i know people ask me what my disabilities are almost every day.  i don't mind.  one of the ways i like to educate people is to tell them, that, there are many disabled people whose disabilities are largely invisible.  that doesn't make those disabilities any less real.

Hannah comes to the conclusion that Dan Mitchell really is disabled.  But npr does wonder what constitutes disabled?  Many in this town are on disability for back pain.  NPR wonders who decides if your condition is bad enough?  In this town it's Dr. Timberlake.  He prefers to serves a rural population.  In this town, there are no college grads.

Ethel says that there are no jobs in Hale County where you can sit down with the exception of SSA worker. 

"poorly educated and rotten place" is a disability.  (i would certainly have to agree with that.  even being carless is a disability.  Ethel's husband is on disability for nerve damage in his hands.  (i noticed nerve damage in 05, and it has worsened substantially.  My limbs fall asleep constantly, it is very painful.  I always feel pins and needles and the sensation that my hands/feet are made of barbed wire and someone is cutting the wire with scissors)

When the mill shut down in Hale County, everyone went on disability!  (one factor in my applying for disability was that no matter how hard i tried my employers were never satisfied.  I explained that to my lawyer, that if in every field i get let go or complained about i am going to need a regular income from disability)

If you are on disablity you are invisible to the rest of society.  Disability is like de facto welfare and recipients are very unlikely to ever get out of poverty or better their lives.  So the only way out of the trap npr concludes is to die, or turn 65.  (It's certainly no wonder so many commit suicide i say)

Glass wonders, what should the government do to help the disabled?

Lawyers are trying to help and Binder and Binder are the most popular. ssa pays the lawyers.  B and B represented 30k people in one year!

One's lifetime average is 250k  (for me it is alot less)

end part one  more to come in my next blog, about this story

"Too sick to function"

Between the migraines, the 5 hours sleep in 5 days; I can't even function.  I've been so doubled up with stomach ab pain that i can barely walk.  Went to urgent c are they gave me 2 meds.  i was worried i wouldn't be able to fill them for i have no co pay money.  The doc. did at least put a slight damper on one of the problems, the irritable bowel syndrome and gave me the 2 meds. 

My room mate is nocturnal and as you know it's hour by hour drama.  Since she is up all night so am i, due to the noise and the smoke.  Thursa. night when i was up vomiting, I saw that she left a pair of scissors on bathroom floor, and another pair in tub.  (she doesn't shower or bathe)  She stood in the tub with her shoes on and cut her hair off then left the hair in the tub.

She also cut her hair over the sink apparently, left all sorts of hair in sink.  When i lifted the toilet seat because i couldn't hold down my soup kitchen dinner, i saw that she has been taking her lighter to the seat.  I'm betting she has a history of pyromania.

Yes, all i can do is just get from hour to hour.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

"Hannah Jaffe Waltz wants to know"

Last night on NPR, What is life like for America's hidden 14 million?  by Hannah Jaffe Waltz.  They are reffering to the 14 million who collect disability income.  I will tell you, some of what i will tell her and she does want us to let her know what it is like.

Well, I'd bet that for persons waiting on ssi/ssdi most are thinking that their lives will improve quite a bit if they win.  That is very unlikely.  I got about 400 a month when i was approved in 2002.  I expected a huge back payment, because i first applied in 94, but did not win til 02.  My back payment?  3k.  I had to walk the first thousand over to my last landlord who i was indebted to.

My thinking was that I'd take the disability money and that would be enough for housing.  Boy was i dreaming.  My friend Dan told me to quit my job right away lest i get in trouble for working.  I did what he told me to do, and found that even with the ssi/ssdi I would still continue to cycle in and out of homelessness.

Maybe, when i get accepted into the subsidized housing life will get better.  I waited 11.5 years to get into my first subsidized unit.  I have been largely in subsidied housing since, however, my life has been consumed with violent crime ever since the day I got accepted into it.  You wouldn't think, one would still go hungry or even starve but that did happen to me.  It may be why I have severe nerve damage and weakness.

I'd love to tell people waiting on disability benefits that their lives will improve, but it is extremely unlikely it will improve by much, unless the applicant was lucky enough to have high earnings while they were working.

"Today I met Cat Stevens"

Did i fail to mention that cat stevens is a cat that my friend just adopted!?

Friday, March 22, 2013

Putting Homelessness in Focus (part 1)

"NPR Vintage Sounds

Miss Israel prepares for big Obama date: beauty queen will meet US Presi...

"Book title of the year!"

My personal favorite title of a newish non fiction book.  This title says it all!

"OMG there is no god!"

"A Sliver of Good News"

I met with the director of the housing agency that placed my roomate with me.  He talked to me as if i also had a phd.  He addressed me as an intelligent equal.  He told me that I am composed, positive, and express myself beautifully in writing.

And on top of that he said that he is completely convinced that indeed she, the roomate is very much endangering me and everyone else in the building.

He is working on it as fast as he can.  So, I am in a good place mentally today.

"Retail Hell/Rude Ass Society/Overheard"

You remember the market where the manager told me not to leave behind a cream or a sugar?  Well, Brenda* the girl that was my cashier today, certainly is a good fit there because she is a cold hearted you know what.

I had one person in line in front of me today.  Brenda told the customer that 2 people have been fired.  Ricardo* and Miranda*

She had the nerve to disclose the details of the firing in front of me the customer!  She said that R. was always sick with kidney and liver problems.

THEN she said that when they found out that M. was going to quit, THEY FIRED HER!

I said: Oh, I know why your company fired her, you fired her because that way you aren't required to pay her unemployment benefits!

She was silent!  Dumbfounded!

I am also dumbfounded at our entire society.

"The concept of full disclosure"

I have heard that the young ones, perhaps 30 and under or so, are very into full disclosure on social media.  For as much as I'd like to do that i just don't find it to be appropriate.

I have already told you that my life is like a cross between The Glass Castle and My Stolen Life.

That being said  what i can tell you is that i am violently ill, and just not getting the care I need.  Life conditons are deplorable and inhumane.

Yes, there is occasional joy and it comes under the backdrop of living in a body that is wracked with excruciating bone, joint tendon and muscle pain.  Chronic migraines, violentlly ill stomach.  That's just a tiny bit of the story.

I guess it doesn't really matter that much that I only have one dollar a day in food stamps because I am on a semi fast anyhow since i am so sick.

Sure is ironic that my uncle made a billion dollars, wouldn't you say?

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

"Amazing NPR/All Things Considered"

When I heard that ATC would be doing a piece on homelessness and young baby boomers, i made sure to be available to hear it.

Even more "exciting" because it took place in Baltimore, and i did not know that would be the case.  They featured a homeless couple Andrea and Tony. I actually think i may have met her.  He has a bulging disc (or does she) and he has osteoarthritis.  Her cane was stolen and she lives on painkillers.  (which made me jealous because i'm not on any medication at all)

On the show they said that "50 is old"  I really appreciated that they said that.  I will be 50 in June and i am seriously ill, but i'm the only one that knows the extent of what that means.  If you are homeless you are more then 3x likely to be seriously ill, they said on the show.

So true.  Even though I don't sleep outdoors, I have still been cycling for twenty years and i'm sure it is a big reason my health is destroyed.  Chronic starvation/malnutrition also took it's toll.

ATC featured the United Church of Christ soup kiotchen.  I was there once more maybe more then once, but i did not appreciate being treated like a piece of meat by the men in the line, so i did not return.

Fessler said "just try to eat healthy when you are homeless"  She went on to illustrate what was avail to eat at the soup kitchen.  She mentioned stuff like white rice white b read beans, hot dogs.

The reason y Tony and Andrea are still on the street is because they have no security deposit money.  For me the story is not that simple or straightforward.  There are myriad factors on why I cycled in and out and s.d. is just one of them.

HOMElessness hit young baby boomers hardest.  (I am a young baby boomer.  1946  to 1964)

600k of u.s. homeless are young baby boomers.  about 1/2 of total homeless.  Andrea has no teeth.  (here in mountain town people have no teeth or the teeth are rotted and nauseating to even look at)

The couple say if they went to the shelter, they would be seperated, so they sleep outdoors.

Top Tracks for Funkadelic (playlist)

now this takes my mind off my troubles!


"Dog Culture in Mountain Town"

I was sitting in the bagel shop and there were 2 dogs, one loose and one tied to a table indoors!  The loose one came over and licked me on the hand!  I said "Miss you are going to have to get your dog away from me"

  I alerted the health dept. and they did indeed say that because the dogs are not services dogs this is a health violation.

"Customer Dis-service/Retail Hell"

So, since the 14th, i have two dollars a day in food stamps no cash.  I get in line with 2 yogurts.  There is a sign that says "If you will be using ebt, alert the cashier in advance"  and I always do.

So the cashier says:  "You are the only person who ever warns me that they are using ebt"

me-"Well, that's what the sign says to do"

her-"But you are the only one who does, and I have had 9 ebt customers today"

me-"Are you implying that people who are on food stamps don't know how to read?"

her-"I am implying that nobody reads"

(I think this is incredibly rude, why do i care about who alerts her on the card usage.  And to imply that nobody is reading the sign, i mean please just ring me up and let me get out of here.  I will fill our the survey on the visit)

Beyond the breaking point

So, i would describe my living situation as extreme danger since 2/04/13

Last night Bee, my roomate draped her clothes over the lampshade, trapping heat and creatikng yet another fire danger.  I explained this but she refused to move them.  I was too scared to go to sleep.  I called the agency that houses us and they said they would try to send someone over to talk to her but it never happened.

So, between the cigarettes, incense, cooking (she set off the smoke alarm last night) and leaving the oven on, i have a minimum of four fire hazards to worry about.

If i had the financial means i would just abandon the apt.

And oh yes, the irony.  She has her Smokey the Bear pencil lying on the kitchen table.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

"Customer Dis-service/retail hell"

Today has been full of incidences that i am sure u will enjoy hearing about.  Because of time constraints i will put just one today.

Manager at "convenience store" came up to me this a.m. when i was having my coffee he said:

"can you do me a favor"

"yes" i said

"every time you come in here you leave things behind"

(i always throw out my trash!)

me-"are u sure it's me"

him-"yes!"  "It's not a big deal or anything but you leave a sugar pack or something like that"

(being a good little doobie i pull my social work skills out of my hat)

me-"and every little bit helps!"

him-"yes!  thank you"

(the workers at this store treat folks from the shelter differently, and they know i used to stay at the shelter, nonetheless, i feel i have earned their respect!)

I tell this anecdote to the barista at starbucks who is absolutely lovely.  I tell her that "if starbuckschased down every customer who ever left something on the table, starbucs would have zero customers!  She laughed and thought the whole thing was ludicrous!


"It's nothing new, but"

Like i said, this is not news.  I am seriously ill.  I've thought about dates.  When did my situation change from chronically ill to chronically seriously ill.  I'd have to say in 2000.  Although my friend Margit in 1995 said to me YOU ARE SERIOUSLY ILL.  She said this because of my lung and breathing problems.

It really is all i can do to even get out of bed.  I stay out all day most days because my home conditions are deplorable.  The worst part is that A. is smoking inside our apt.  I am gasping for breath.

Even thought it is violation of lease i am still waiting for action.

This reminds me of the song

Spend all your life waiting..........

Saturday, March 16, 2013

I'M YOUR PUSHERMAN by Curtis Mayfield.avi

Soul Train Line Don't Stop Til You Get Enough Michael Jackson

Stevie Wonder - Soul Train

"Today i met jill"

Afte i sat for 35 minutes in front of grocery store hitching, she said she is going to take me because she says it is so horrible that i have to live this way.  Funny, although it isn't easy, it is LESS oppressive then riding buses.

Between my weakness, neuropathy and excruc. pain it is better to hitch then to have to walk 3/4 mile from bus to destination.

"Adventures in Hitchiking"

On the 14th, I met K.  She is a 40 something African American woman who just returned from a marathon trip to California to check on her sick sister.

The sister just had stroke.  Lives with the boyfriend.  The boyfriend has run off and left her bedridden and unfed for 3 days.  The b/f is on the street selling her percocet.


I also met 23 year old, S.  When i told her where i was going she "took me off guard" and asked:  "Do you live at the homeless shelter?"  i said no but i used to.

She stayed there for "not very long"  I asked What does that mean?  She said one month.  She said she can't verbalize how horrible it was.  i said, well i can.  I was robbed blind there.  Horrid.

She stayed for a few months in a tent with her baby, until she could get into shelter.  She work full time for a nationally known cleaning company.  Her partner was so abusive, that her boss let her live in the custodian office for a month.

She is still struggling, and when she dropped me off i could tell she desperately needed the conversation.  I told her we would get together for coffee.

"I love NPR"

Tracy Samuelson/Wealth and Poverty Desk

"Wages are down and rents are up.  Go to our website for the state to state breakdown on how many hours you would need to work at the minimum wage to afford housing in your region.

California?  You'd have to work 129 hours a week at the minimum wage to afford a fair market apt.

"Bumper Sticker Mentality"

I've seen this once before.  Saw it again and i like it so i thought i would share it:

"I got lei'd in Hawaii"

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

"Hey Babe!"

Yesterday, i was in front of the cafe; i look up into the sky and their was a cluster of red white and blue helium balloons!

I was alone, but their were college kids outside sitting , some studying.

I yelled "HEY LOOK UP! "  (to anyone that would)

The girl near me looked up,and i asked her if she saw it.

She is a stunning beauty 30 years my junior about 19.  She was just turned around in a way that SHE THOUGHt  was perfectly normal, but could have been a successful shot on front cover of cosmo.

The girl had sexuality exuding from her pores.  Fair skinned, freckle faced with long straight strawberry blonde hair that was glistening in the sun.  Scantily clad.

Someone drove by and yelled: HEY BABE!

I smiled and said to her: "i have a sneaking suspicion that they were talking to you not me!"

She was cracking up.

I said:  ur young slender and scantily clad.

i asked her:  "Do u like the attention?"

she said that it comes from all the wrong men.  i told her i have the same problem.  i asked her if she thinks it is a degrading way for men to behave and she said yes.  Funny, the cat call was an open invite for what turned out to be an interesting exchange on men and dating.....

Funkadelic - '(Not Just) Knee Deep' (1979) - FULL VERSION!

"What is a nice day anyway?"

My friend ricardo the bus driver told me to have a nice day.

I asked him  What is a nice day?

He said "like today, warm and sunny. also it's a day where no one runs you over with their bike or their truck!"

"I love that, i said especially the second part"

(I think, from now on, i will just respond to strangers like this:  "How would i know if it were a nice or a good day?")


College guy to college girl "Yes suicide is very high at my high school due to bullying."

"Indoor and outdoor air pollution"

So, just like the last apt. i live in, the landlord as well as the other employees at t he agency have been completely unresponsive (to all of my concerns, questions, needs) to my request to get tenants to not smoke indoors.

So, between the indoor smoking and the various substances burnings around the clock, sore throat, inflamed lungs, chronic headaches, asthma , coughing and insomnia.  I was awake all night last night again...............................

When i left the house, there was a guy smoking at bus stop, i had to wait 1/2 block away.  When i tried to walk downtown, there were a group of people blocking sidewalk smoking, so i walked in the highway.

I mind very much if you smoke.

"One night's sleep is not enough"

Monday night i slept 7 hours.  IN part because my roommate presumably slept herself which is extremely rare for the middle of the night..  Even though I did get one nights sleep  It is not a restful sleep and I'm still feeling totally wiped out.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I love npr/synchronicity

I was thinking about how i got thrown into this guinea pig like experiment in 1/94 thrown into a life on the streets.  I was thinking about how i document it but don't get paid to.  I was thinking about how my story compares in many regards to paid writer Adrian Nicole Le Blanc who wrote the true story "love drugs and coming of age in the bronx"

just as i was thinking about this, diane announces that the next hour of the show features author Deborah Dicks who wrote the non fiction book "The Road out"  about children coming of age in poverty.  wow!

I can't wait to Ms. Dicks to share how my life has paralleled hers in many ways and how it has paralleled the children she mentors.

please check out today's diane rehm show!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Top Tracks for Patrice Rushen (playlist)

wow, i'm speechless!

Evelyn King - Love Come Down 1982

Love it! E and I were both "discovered" singing in the washroom! Because the first really meaningful comment i got on my voice was in the washroom after voice class, university of md fall 1987!

Sister Sledge - He's the Greatest Dancer (1979)

hoping this works!

"Attempts to share you tube videos have failed recently"

I've tried on a couple of computers here at the library and it is no longer working which is very dissapointing.  What is even more disturbing is that shares that i made successfully are now gone, like john lennon and p. simon hosting the grammys.

the librarian said that i could send you tube an email and ask them for help but i don't usually find that useful.

If i had my druthers today i would post the song "Sunshine go away today"

"How can u even function?"

Everybody asks me that because of the fact that I only get a few minutes sleep a night up to an hour.  Last 2 nights, just about 10 min. sleep.  How am i suppsed to answer the question?  Maybe folks are just surprised i'm not dead?!

I'm really tired of the inane comments like IF YOU ARE TIRED ENOUGH YOU WILL SLEEP!

gimme a break.  Sometimes i'm awake for more then a month around the clock.  This is not a lifestyle choice!  And if you don't think i'm tired just look at how heavy my eyelids are and the dark circles under my eyes!

Anywho, i am too scared of what roomie will do to even think about sleep.

friday night tg i was home because at four a.m. she flooded out the bathroom.  The entire place would have flooded if i hadn't become the unofficial caregiver.

I called fire dept.

I have followed every possible step in getting her removed even going so far as to request a face to face with the presiden.t

I said tongue in cheek today to one employye who i like that:


Friday, March 8, 2013

"Welcome to my recent readers"

Welcome to my recent blog visitors.  You come from:

denver, colorado
New Zealand
New Jersey

Welcome and


LIPPS INC. - Funky Town (Long 12'' Version Video Clip)

Linda Ronstadt ~ Poor Poor Pitiful Me

"How are you today?"

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII    !   the barista yelled at the open coffee shop door to the next victim.  Before he can even make it to the register she yells HOWWWWWWWWWWWW AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

i'M TERRIFIC!  the customer said

a second barista asked him how he is.


A third barista yelled HAVE A NICE DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  on his way out

I feel naucious listening to this scenario over and over.

"Room mate awake all night"

So, she didn't quiet down until about 7 this morning.  I slept about 5 to 15 minutes last night.  Deep dark circles under my eyes.  Used inhaler, and nasal spray can't breathe.  Throat and nose burn.  She must be smoking stuff in her room.  I left the door open but the extreme cold did not get rid of the smoke.  I certainly will not put up with this for much longer.


Some people are bad to the bone, today i am DRENCHED to the bone! ;)

"Conditions for pedestrians are treacherous today"

So, after walking only a block i lucked out. Two women were standing outside of their auto.  One had just dropped off the other.

I asked if they were going past the market.  The woman who had just been given a ride said "the market is just right there!"  (she did not want her sister to give me a ride")

I said "just right there" is a 1/2 hour walk for a disabled person who has to traverse on the ice!

The driver said of course i will take you to the market.  So, on the way she says "I know my cough sounds scary but i am not contagious"  I said "don't worry everywhere i go everyone has a deathly sounding cough, just don't sweat it"

She said: "My sister is a writer and was away on a trip, i had to give her a ride"

I said "What kind of writer is she?  "Fiction or non fiction?"

the woman replied: "Oh neither one!  She's not THAT kind of writer!"  "She writes life stories, biography"

I replied "yes, that's what i do"

no response.

about 4 minutes later i get to my first destination.  But to get from there to the bus stop i had to walk in the middle of highway because of ice slush and flooded everything...............I am drenched to the bone even though i have 2 layers on.  No way i'll stay in Mountain Town for another winter.  Just too deadly for pedestrians.  Auto owners are clueless about what we go through.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Gladys Knight & The Pips - Midnight Train to Georgia_Neither One of Us

Reflections Of 1975 ♫ ♫ [65 Songs]

John lennon And Paul Simon

Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel 2 - Slip Slidin' Away

"The climate sucks"

The climate is brutal and quality of life is the pits if you have no car and have to try not to fall on the everpresent ice.

Today i heard a song i loved as a child which reminded me of our awful climate and i'd like to post it.  Slip slidin' away!

"I want your comments"

If you were wracked with excruciating pain and writhing in pain night after night would you want to live?  How long do you think you could stand it?

"lost and found"

nearly every day i find items.  but, i always turn them in.  (kind of a shame!) today i found a vintage toy/ curious george kaleidoscope easily more then 50 years old, but sadly, i told the barista: i better turn this in because there is probably a crying child, mother and grandmother!

"Karaoke and Dance Night"

Although i am wracked with pain and only sleep a few minutes a night, i suspected that if i could get myself over to karaoke i would not regret it.

The minute i "crossed the threshold" i knew i made the right decision.  It was packed with dancers and singers from every walk of life and from all over the world.

I met a group from Sydney

a group from Melbourne

a group of Brits

a group from seattle

a guy from alabama

a 21 year old hawaiian celebrating her birthday.......

I danced alot and sang just 3 songs.  Made amazing connections.  Danced til close and went to bed at 4 a.m. with a huge smile on my face.

the feed back i got from being on stage (i always dance when i get up to sing)

you were solid gold

you were money

what a stage presence

love those dance moves

love your energy

what a voice.

(btw, i was wracked with pain the entire night i was out)

I can only remember 2 of the 3 songs i did

car wash
and mad world by gary jules

The last time i had a night out like this was a year and a half ag.
btw the group from sydney asked me if i would like to travel with them!  I told them i was honored and would love that but i'm a tad tied down right now


Two women were exiting the cafe today and one said to the other:  "ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE O.K. TO DRIVE?!"

It made me wonder: Exactly what do they put in coffee nowadays anyhow?!

"Where everybody knows your name"

Most of the time on buses i feel very oppressed, conversely, all the drivers know me by name and talk at length with the passengers.

One of the retired drivers, rides around with the driver because they are close friends.

He is a big joker with a distinctive new york accent.

He told me it is her birthday and i said "oh, she is 38 today!"

(that is the kind of detail you know in a small town)

I told John that i was going to sing happy birthday and he said "let me get off the bus first!" 

After i sang to her, he dropped a buck on the floor by accident.  i picked it up and yelled out that i'm rich!

He ssaid you know just keep it as a tip for singing happy birthday.

I said there is more where that came from! He replied:  "i will give you another buck NOT TO SING!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013


Bon Jovi - Have A Nice Day

i had forgotten about this song and someone told me about it recently; so my motivation in posting this is to synchronize with my blog comments on how much i hate small talk and would prefer an automated checker to the insincerity ofa stranger telling me to:

have a nice day!

(i am often tempted to ask cashiers: please describe a nice day!)

"Dangerous to leave house for an evening"

I told my landlord that this is very serious sh#$.  I am turning the oven off every single evening because my room mate is not.  I check the kitchen every 1/2 hour or so in evenings. Turning off faucts left running and unattended; and turning down the heat on the unattended stove with a pot of food that is unnecessarily left on high (gas) with a cardboard box lying on the stove next to the unattended fire! (while she is hanging out in her bedroom!)

I told landlord that i am the reason that the 6 of us tenants are still alive.  Needless to say with this and hundreds of other things that have turned me into a caregiver, i'm lucky to sleep a few minutes a night.  Of course you know i had plenty of things robbing me of sleep even before she moved in, now that's a given.

The appropriate authorities are processing my complaint, request and concer about an inappropriate roommate placement (to say the least/but the stress of knowing i'm in this kind of danger in the meantime is unreal.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Parliament - Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)

Parliament - Flash Light

"Artistic License"

I am aware that sometimes I post things to my blog more then once.  Perhaps i posted it 3 years ago, then i post it again because i know that my new readers typically only read the more recent postings:

That being said, please check out one of my favorite author's websites:

I am a social critic like her.

"Long ass disclaimer from the pain management office"

"Doctor Doolittle is extremely strict about prescribing opioids for chronic pain.  In the past 10 yrs. in the u.s., deaths from rx opioid misuse have tripled.  Currently there are more deaths eache yr. from opiod misuse then from auto. accidents.  Dr. D. is strict about opiods because she does not want you to contribute to these stats. and she has developed better methods to control chronic pain.

Dr. D. will NOT prescribe (or will immediately STOP prescribing) opioids:

-if the drug screen and research uncovers problems or inconsistencies
-if you violate the opiod contract even once
-if your opiods are lost or stolen
-if you demand, beg or lie to get opiods

Further info about dr. d.'s opioid policy:

instead uf usin just meds and procedures to dull the sensation of pain, dr. d. takes the time to doa very extensive hx. and exam. of your problem to find the cause of your pain and then educate you on how to manage the cause.  This approach takes more tme by Dr. D. and more patience and diligence on your part but can result in management of your pain without side effects costs and risks of meds. and procedures.  She still uses meds. and procedures but only to the extent that will support you in learning how to manage your pain.  Pain meds will be prescribed in necessary only for a specified period of time and only if you are shwoing objective improvement in your pain control.  If you want to or need to control your pain by the use of opioids, you should find a a dr. who more close mathces your objectives.  You can find this on our website.  BUT just because i included a dr. on this list does not mean the dr will prescribe opiods!

A pain management practice attracts a higher percentage of pts. seeking to use drugs, esp. controlled substances, for other reasons then reasonable pain mgmt..  Also, some pts. choose to use class 1 (illicit/illegal/street) drugs.  We cannot safely treat pts. using these drugs.  For these reasons, we perform drug screening tests before providing prescriptions for FDA controlled meds.  Additionally, periodic drug testing will be used.  The frequency and scheduling of these periodic drug tests will be at the sole discretion of Dr. D.  All drug tests will be at your expense for any amt. not covered by your insurance.

If a drug test shows a positive finding for a med. not prescribed or a negative finding for a controlled med. that u have been prescribed, you will have 2 choices:  You may choose to not use dr. d. (or discontinue to use Dr. D) as your dr. or you may provid another sample and have that sample tested by a certified drug testing lab. at your expense.  With either of these choices or if u do not explicitly choose to provide another sample or u refuse the drug test, this will be your choice and you hold "Steal this urine test medical facility*" and it's employees and dr. d. harmless for your decision.

I understand and voluntarily agree to these policies.




Saturday, March 2, 2013

"I expect my room mate will burn building down"

And although i have filed the necessary paperwork to hopefully get her out of there, i am checking the kitchen every 15 minutes in the evening.

Last night, I checked the kitchen and she was not in there but had a pot of soup on high setting on the gas stove.  Next to the fire on top of the stove was a small cardbord box!

I turned down the stove, moved the box.

10 minutes later i heard water running.

Went back to kitchen and she was not in there but had faucet running on full blast.

I can't get in the kitchen to do anything.  It is filthy.  Always dishes in the sink, items on the washer like drinks or glasses!  Every surface covered with trash or her belongings.  I don't try to cook anymore. 

Since nearly everything has broken since she moved in i moved the microwave into my bedroom.  All I can think about is her burning this place down and the people in charge are moving too slow.

"Difficulty comprehending my Medicare statement"

No affordable housing and the high cost to society

My understanding of the medicare bill is that the 2 weeks that I stayed in the hospital because i had no shelter cost Medicare 13,000 big ones.  This is nearly double my annual earnings!

Friday, March 1, 2013

"Many celebrity haunts in Mountain Town"

Today was a real high.  I finally toured the "Freddie Mercury" room, the room in the hotel where he stayed for long periods.  Because of Mountain Town proximity to Hollywood, hundreds of celebrities spent long periods here while recording music film or t.v.!

I thought I felt Mercury's energy standing in the room where he stayed.  Wow!

"Four cents short/the cost of free coffee"

So yesterday, i was 4 cents short for a bag of m and m's.  I told the clerk i would put the four cents on my debit card but the rest i paid with change.  She said i can't put the .04 on the debit card because debit cards have a minimum purchase of $1.00.  She said she'd spot me the .04.

A store i've shopped at a few times a week for 2 years offers free coffee.  But oddly they don't put out any cups anymore!

I asked the donut girl for a cup so i could get the free coffee siknce i don't have money to buy a coffee.  She said these cups are only if you shop here.  (she wanted me to buy something yesterday which i could not do)  I took the cup and drank the coffee and left.  I asked if coffee is out all day she said yes.

I came back 2 hours later but forgot my cup.  When i asked for one she said i will give you one but you MUST buy so;mething.  I took the coffe and left the store which i'm sure infuriated her.

I don't know how they think they are going to enforce this.  Since i shop there regularly i knew i wasn't going to get into any kind of trouble and iwasn't breaking any laws.

Coffee police, oyyyyyyy

The Police - Every Breath You Take

I didn't realize until this listen that he is stalking his ex.

"Every breath you take/every step you take"

That is the song that is in my head today.  The weakness and fatigue are debilitating, i am required to do a lot of walking.  I am only sleeping a few minutes a night.  My roomate is smoking indoors, leaving oven on and burning substances in her room.  I can not breathe, every breath is a struggle.

Even in apts where one is not allowed to smoke, i can't find anyone to enforce it.  I'm going to look for the song on you tube and post it.

My n.p. back in Maryland said that the only answer to the weakness is to use a cane.  Alot of good that is going to do when all the roads and sidewalks are covered with ice.  Plus i don't like the stigma.